*This WU will be more effective if read to one's self in the style of a televangelist. That way, the bullshit I have written will sound even worse*
Brothers and Sisters, we are faced with a
problem of unthinkable
gravity. If we continue to allow this problem to grow, the
consequences will be simply unimagineable!
Now you may ask yourselves, Brothers and Sisters: "What is this problem that faces us?"
Well Brothers and Sisters, this problem is the
IMPENDING NICKNAME SHORTAGE! The world, Brothers and Sisters is rife with
overpopulation and so the number of people everywhere on this
planet, even on the
Internet is increasing
exponentialy! This means that the number of nicknames is also increasing exponentially and so sooner or later we will be faced by a new type of
famine:
a shortage of nicknames! Now you may say to yourselves: "So what, I already have my cool
nickname; who cares about the others? Anyway, they'll come up with something."
And you are right, Brothers and Sisters. They
will come up with something. Something like "Jamie437698293387492837" or "errrrrr" or even "kshjdgafkshjgfdsdhjkgfsdhjkfgf"!! And the worst is, Brothers and Sisters, that you won't be able to blame these poor folks for their horrible choice of nickname, because by the time they sign on to a
chat room or a page like
E2, everything, i mean
EVERYTHING else will be taken! Do you see the
evil which lies ahead now Brothers and Sisters?
I bet that right now, you're telling yourselves "Muh Lord! This is terrible! There must be
something we can do!"
And once again, Brothers and Sisters, you're right! There
IS something you can do and you can do it right now, from the comfort of your own homes! All you have to do is pick up the telephone and dial 1-900-I-A-M-A-M-O-R-O-N-W-I-T-H-T-O-O-M-U-C-H-M-O-N-E-Y-P-L-E-A-S-E-H-E-L-P-M-E-G-E-T-R-I-D-O-F-S-O-M-E and donate to our cause!
You see Brothers and Sisters, we at the Church of Nirex have a crack team of linguists, numerologists, dermatologists, taxidermists and scatologists who are working 24-7 to make up new words for the English Language. That way, every one of us who needs a new alias will be able to simply order our
List of New English Words for the truly
amazing price of $19.99 by dialling 1-800-I-A-M-A-M-O-R-O-N-W-I-T-H-T-O-O-M-U-C-H-M-O-N-E-Y-P-L-E-A-S-E-H-E-L-P-M-E-G-E-T-R-I-D-O-F-S-O-M-E toll free!
So you see, Brothers and Sisters, all is not lost! There
IS a light at the end of the tunnel and all you have to do to reach the end of the tunnel is dial 1-900-I-A-M-A-M-O-R-O-N-W-I-T-H-T-O-O-M-U-C-H-M-O-N-E-Y-P-L-E-A-S-E-H-E-L-P-M-E-G-E-T-R-I-D-O-F-S-O-M-E, make a donation and save your soul!
AMEN! Thanks for listening Brothers and Sisters, I am
Father Nirex from the
Church of Nirex. And remember: There
IS a light...