The new trend of 'sensitive' rappers

I admit it, I am just a useless white boy, and don't understand shit when it comes to rap, but I have decided I have to comment on this new trend. I am not extremely well versed in the history of rap, but as much as I do know, there have never been such lily-scented poofters in the rap scene as there are today. I mean, Craig David?!!? What the fuck is that all about? What a pussy. "Took her for a drink on Tuesday." I mean, come on.

Rappers used to be real men. Even at the beginning, the founders of rap, rappers like Kurtis Blow, Afrika Bambaataa, Grandmaster Flash - they weren't hardcore gangsta rappers, but they weren't frigging crybabies. And later on, as rap gained more of a personality, and became a recognised musical style, there were no petite-moustache-wearing wimps. Let us examine, if you will, the most respected rappers from 1980 to the present day, and inspect whether they are real men:

• LL Cool J - a real man
• Ice T - a real man
• Ice Cube - a real man
• Snoop Doggy Dogg - a real man
• Tupac Shakur - a real man
• Dr. Dre - a real man

And then comes Craig David: "I'm walking away from the troubles in my life." Which rapper walks away from the troubles in his life?

• LL Cool J would knock his troubles out, singing "Momma said knock you out".
• Dr. Dre would blow away the troubles with a fucking shotgun (Bang Bang!)
• Ice Cube would fuck the troubles, and he'd put his back into it and then blow them away.
• Ice T would get the whole of Body Count to gang bang the troubles using their collective Evil Dick and then blow them away.

But pussy-boy Craig David walks away.

You see, Craig David is a 90's man: sensitive. He drinks Chardonnay and has a savings account. He wears Gucci and has a Rolex. He sleeps in silk bed sheets. But most importantly: he respects his woman. He makes love to his woman.

In Seven Days, Craig David the sissy, takes out his woman for a drink on Tuesday and makes love to her on Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday. Oh what a sensitive man. Of course he made sure she came before he did, and hugged her afterwards. Aaaaarrrgggghhhhh!!! That is not the behaviour of a real rapper. When I asked several prominent rappers about what they thought about women and relationships, these are thes responses I got, and a good thing too:

• NWA - A bitch is a bitch
• Ice T - Let's get naked and fuck (Ice T also wished me to mention he's a Cop Killa)
• Ice Cube mentioned that he would use No Vaseline
• 2Pac explains about Thug Passion - "get the pussy wet and the dick hard".
• Even Eminem, the white boy rapper, is more of a man than Craigy - just kills his wife.

And it's not just Craigy that pisses me off, and he didn't even start this pussy trend - Boys II Men (you can tell by their name they are pansies) were singing pussy songs in the 90's. When Naughty By Nature were down with OPP, Boys II Men were finding it hard to say say goodbye to yesterday.

I propose we put a stop to this shit right now, before Craig David comes out with a new song entitled "Wearing Your Favorite Cologne When You Come Home" or something.

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liontamer and Dreamvirus have kindly pointed out to me that Craig David is, in fact, considered to be an R&B vocalist. This is in fact true. Craig David wanted to call himself a rapper, but Ice T, Mooseman and Eric C said that if he called himself a rapper, they would, and I quote "fuck you up with a chainsaw, bitch". I believe the term "boot in your ass" was also used at some stage, followed by whimpering noises.

So Craig David is not officially a rapper, but he is still, officially a cashmere wearing poofter. But what the hell do I know. As mkb succintly put it in the softlink: I am just a useless white boy, and don't understand shit when it comes to rap.

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Have I mentioned yet that I don't understand shit when it comes to rap? Don't take me seriously, damn it!

BTW, Craig David is still a pussy.

I feel a need to retort to my fellow whiteboy. The major difference between Craig David and all the other rappers mentioned by Footprints is their musical style. Craig David combines elements of rap with modern R&B and, I think, does it rather well. He also has a smooth voice which would put him closer to Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin than, say, Dr. Dre.

Where's Outkast in all this anyway? I would call Outkast "real men" but they don't always rap about bitches and hoes, glocking people down, killing their mothers and other such crap. Ever heard any Jurassic 5? I have never heard of J5 rapping about that sorta shit, and they're some of the greatest rappers I know. Would you call Fred Durst a real man?

What's wrong with sensitivity? Why do you think that these guys are rappers? Because they couldn't do shit else. Try to imagine Tupac as a Lawyer. Or Snoop Doggy Dogg as a doctor.

Would you call Marvin Gaye or Barry White a pussy? Barry White would be the personification of total and complete pussiness according to you. The man made millions on love songs.

I think you need to check your definition of what a man is, and what a man is about. "But most importantly: he respects his woman. He makes love to his woman. " What's wrong with that? I make love to my woman, there's no need to treat her poorly. I respect my woman because I want to keep her in my life for more than one night.

While rap may glorify the "Thug Image" they also promote a lot else besides that. It's true that some humans have a tendancy to lean towards darker media, slasher flicks and bad porn, Hentai and Duke Nukem, yet another Rocky movie and Pauly Shore for examples. However Rap has always been about one thing, Reality. If you look at one of the best raps ever The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, you'll notice that he doesn't rap about the bitches and hoes, or even being a thug, he raps about his life around him. What he saw in the ghetto at that point in his life. The power of N.W.A. came from the fact that they did the same thing with bigger balls and a meaner attitude than Grandmaster Flash did.

And how can you call LL Cool J a real man and Craig David not? Have you heard any of his songs besides Momma said knock you out? What were his last singles? Yeah, they were all "pussy" R&B songs.

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all this talk about pussy is making me hungry