The urge to drive off the road

Ever had the urge? You know the one. Your driving down the highway, and you come up to a curve, and you start to wonder what would happened if you just didn't turn. What would it feel like, to crash into the ditch, reducing your car to a twisted hunk of metal, and yourself to a twisted hunk of flesh. Or maybe you just want to jerk the wheel one way or the other, and let the car dive in, maybe rollover, maybe smash head on into the oncoming truck in the other lane. Wouldn't it be a thrill? It could all just end.

But then you come to your senses, and remember something you read in the paper about a 100 car pile up in dense fog, and you decide that it's not really such a good idea. Isn't it scary with what your mind comes up with sometimes? How could you be so morbid, how could you allow yourself to toy with your destructive urges? You don't want to commit suicide, do you? It's not like you're depressed. Everything is fine. It's just not a good idea. Besides, your passenger would *not* be pleased. It's just an urge. Ignore it.

I once read about this in a book on mass psychology. Statistically, a well-publicized death or deaths (aircraft or auto accident, murder, suicide, mass cult suicide, whatever) will strengthen the urges for suicide and murder. Researchers have noticed a frightening spike in the number of suicides and bizarre accidents about a month after the original event.

Furthermore, the type of deaths match. For example, after an aircraft accident--where many die at the hands of one or two--there are a suspicious number of auto accidents where the driver simply steered a carload full of people into a tree. However, if the original incident was a single suicide, there are a great number of auto accidents where a lone driver steers the car into a tree. This is really quite scary.

I have to make a three hour drive on the Interstate to get from my university to my home and I occasionally experience these urges. This last weekend when I did it, I had these urges all the time, mostly because my depression is acting up again, which lead me to believe that depressed people should not be allowed to drive cars.

I find it funny though, that I have these urges even when I'm perfectly happy. I think the reason that it happens is that I just can't believe that it would happen. I mean, could I really yank the wheel and attempt to go into a 360 going 80-miles an hour? If I really wanted to, if I tried with all my might, something would be there to stop me. I'm sure of it. Do you really feel in control when you drive? You never actually make decisions, you follow the road, you follow the rules. You see a stop light and you don't decide to stop at it, you do it because you have no other choice. You have no other choice but to stay between those white and yellow lines on the Interstate. I think that these are urges to say "Yes I DO have free will, dammit." Kind of a lose-lose situation though, if you choose to remain on the road you deny your free will, if you fly off the road doing 80, you're probably going to die or wind up seriously injured.