display | more...
Theophistus was a minor warlord in Mesopotamia's Kaptarian mountains, believed to have lived in the Seventh Century BC. Save for the rallying of a successful defense against an Akkadian advance force, he had no significant military victories. Instead, Theophistus is best remembered for an anecdote wherein his chief aide-de-camp, seeking him out in the stables to deliver a message, surprised the warlord in the act of lustily having sex with a mare. According to the tale, the messenger stuttered out, "are you not ashamed?" to which Theophistus laughed and replied, "why? she's a magnificent beast!!"

Some accounts indicate that Theophistus heartily smacked the mare on her hindquarters while making this declaration, but that is probably a later embellishment. It is unknown when or how Theophistus died, but, this is definitely how rumors get started.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.