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As paraphrased from Professor John Atkinson's thesis-writing workshop, University of the West of Scotland

(Picture Brian Blessed playing Michael Caine)

Blocks of granite,
Blocks of text
Building into a thesis.
Strategies for laying down.
Strategies for tearing up and laying back around
That brand new gas main.
Build a space to fill
With your results
So when you get them in
There's structure waiting.
Two things are most important
That we’ll learn:
Summarising big ideas in one page,
And knowing what to do
When things go tits up.
Start by sketching,
Building up a shopping list
Then slot the pieces in
A standard structure

Tell the story of success
How do you tell that story?
Twenty minutes can become an hour
But nothing never becomes anything
.
Visit the thesis every day
Even if only for brainless work.
Write in one-hundred-word paragraphs
Three of them make up a page.
Simple language helps things
Keep on moving.
Adjectives and adverbs
Just cause problems
.
Explaining every little thing is good.
Take a look at other people's theses.
Don't bog yourself down
With unpleasant duties.

'I won't go into Wittgenstein today. I like to go into Wittgenstein, particularly when there's malt whisky involved.'

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