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At least one noder has described Santa Barbara, California as paradise. It does have much to recommend it, but unlike the Muslim jannah, the entrance requirements seem to be, perhaps, a bit too lax. (Like the Garden of Eden, it accepts some immigrants naked and innocent; others probably sneaked in under cover of darkness. Regardless, there are no prerequisites.)

My point, and I do have one, is that today I was presented with an argument for instituting some kind of test before we let just anyone live here. (While I favor open borders for countries as a whole, we can't let this kind of thing go on.) I got my sample ballot for the upcoming election of a new mayor and city council. Reading the statements submitted by the candidates, I came across one, reproduced below word-for-word and punctuation-mark-for-punctuation-mark, which compelled me to a paroxysm of simultaneous laughing, crying, and begging God to tell me it was a joke.

The last straw was that the candidate's occupation is listed as Freelance Writer. Here is the statement for your amusement and disgust. (I'm generally cynical about the state of the world anyway, but if, three months from now, Mr. Heimbaugh is a Santa Barbara City Councilman, .... well, I just don't know what I'll do.)

Have read in detail 3 major newspapers a day at least 15 years. Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, San Jose Mercury, USA Today, and Santa Barbara News Press. Full perception, indepth journalism. Most all topics.

Have an outstanding math degree in algebra 99.5% and math analysis. I can relate issues in an equation form to be subject to inquire and scrutiny, hypothesis (What if), theorem relate (civil and municipal laws), find the postulate formula that is applicable for the situation, analyze and testing, and resolution(s). Which not following the guidelines would be basically out of context. A workable form of latitudes to be committed before the council.

Am into more slow, thought out evolutions, than quick fix solutions. History shows more the flaw, but in cases that require fast action, I ascertain good logic for decision making.

Have spent, thousands of hours. Considerations of architecture. Which both relinquish a need, but also follow cultural design, and art in this community.

Have studied population growth and projections, of the future Santa Barbara County, and the relation to environment, housing and lifestyles.

Ken Heimbaugh, Santa Barbara since 1974.


By the way, do you have any idea how difficult it is to accurately transcribe something that badly written?

November 7, 2001: Thankfully, the electorate has shown that they still have some sense, by not electing Mr. Heimbaugh. The council is just going to have to continue to do without Ken's backdoor connections to President Bush and the CIA.


Here we are in 2005 electing a mayor again, and Ken [now known as Ken (Leo) Heimbaugh] once again is offering his services to the citizenry. In his candidate's statement this time, we see that architecture is still relinquishing a need. He doesn't mention his impressive mathematics credentials anymore, but we can see that he'll never be a weatherman; he also no longer claims to personify the entire city. We see he's even more into reading newspapers than he was before. In fact, that may be the best reason to vote for him: unless he's a really fast reader, he'll never make it into the office. Here's his statement, painfully transcribed by yours truly. It's interesting that apparently the Elections Office will respect the formatting of the statement if requested to. (Or possibly, they just had to throw up their hands and not change a thing.)

Attempted to run for Governor last 'special election'.
Ran for Third District Supervisor, Santa Barbara County last election as 'write-in'.
Ran in last election for Mayor, Santa Barbara.

Last barometer reading says I'm hot, not cold.

Have considered architecture, which both relinquish a need, but also follow cultural design, and art in this community, population growth and projections, of the future Santa Barbara County, and the relation to environment, housing and lifestyles.

A 'fiscal watchdog', and a conservative in spending.

Plan to get rid of crime, disease, and poverty.
And enter a 'Utopian society' where everything works out.
I will grade people by their efforts in the community not their languish abruptions. An engineered cause of self-determination to succeed and achieve our goals. I will change things that need changed and procure our valuable assets that are self-esteemed.

Mountains to Valleys. Valleys to Ocean.

Politics is Music. Music is Politics. You're not playing the same song; you're not playing the same tune.

I will read every newspaper there is before I get up, to see what's happening with the world. There will be no issue 'too' Big or small.

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