My best friend told me this week that she is thinking about having another baby. She and her husband are going through the (snicker) laborious task of "trying" to have a baby. I know this entails a lot of calculation, but humor me, I'm single and childless
. In fact you're going to have to humor me for the rest of the node, and come to think of it
, all my nodes, but anyway...
Because I have no children of my own yet, I can barely see the beauty in having a baby, let alone surviving that and still wanting to have another one. And, in my friend's case, I can think of many arguments why she should reconsider: finances, her employment being a factor that will be affected, the fact that she has a hard enough time as it is getting day care for her now four year old son, and dammit, me. What about me? Who will I go drinking with while she's getting morning sickness? I know, that's totally self-centered, but she's like the only close friend I have. This is more than unsettling.
Still, I support her desire even if I don't agree. I am interested, as with any science experiment, to see how she will change and be altered throughout this. Considering that almost all the women I know have been pregnant in the time I've known them, I have yet to follow a pregnancy close up as a bystander, as a friend. This should be interesting.
The other repetitious act I've seen other people do is getting tattooed. In fact, the same friend working on that second baby has at least 7 tattoos (isn't that cool for a mom?) and has been itching for another one. People who have them get this glossed look in their eyes when they talk of getting "new ink," and they declare that I will understand when I get my first one. Hmm. Slave to inflicted pain. I may want to think that over. I've been wanting a tattoo for ages, but I don't know if I like the idea that as soon as I endure one session I will only crave more of them.
I have done things over and over again, but they were seldom positive things like having kids or reinventing myself through augmentation. I have done it with stupid things, with drugs and men and falling for the wrong ones over and over. Addiction to drugs and self-defeating head trips, independence that drove anyone who would care for me away, needfulness, bravado in solitude, depression.
Well, I do keep buying new nail polish, adding to my array of colors. Maybe that's a start.