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My little girl lost,

I've known this would happen for years now. I've dreamed of you monthly; I've seen you in crowds, your face floating for a second, then lost once more in a swirl of people-- my dark-haired, doe-eyed little girl. I've felt you inside me, yearned to comfort you, desperately tried to erase the outcome of my dreams. The bathtub, the trash-can... My mind knew you were there before my body did; throughout it all, you've haunted my head, stood silent in the corners of my psyche, the outskirts of my heart-- those lyrical black eyes of yours threatening quietly. The dark thunderstorm of the soul approaches...

Child, please forgive me. I never meant for this to happen. My heart tells me you'll be back, and I will make it all up to you then... so why does this still hurt so much? Why do you weigh in my mind, and why do I see your eyes wherever I go?

Oh, if only I could flesh you out; see you, smell you, touch you... if only I hadn't been selfish, if only I wasn't so settled in my life right now. If only I could sing your pretty little head to sleep... And now-- now I feel so empty, you look so accusing.

To my darling daughter, to my "never was", please understand me. Please let me have peace, please let me sleep comfortably. Please realize that despite my selfish actions, deep down, I really do love you. And I'm sorry.

Those dark eyes of yours will one day capture men's hearts. Sweetheart, they've already captured mine.

Mom

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