Continued from Part 3:
James' Defense
My name is Todd and I am 6 years old and I love to play chess and I hate my parents, especially my dad, because he always makes me leave when Larry or Ephram and I are playing a really good group of games and sometimes, my sister comes and watches me play but she’s not that good but I’ll teach her because I’m a good older brother or that’s what my mom says and I’ll teach her so she can be good like me and we can play each other and not stupid stuff like house or wait for bussey like she always wants to play, or with her cat, who is mean and scratches because sometimes she forgets it’s a biological organism and not a doll, so I can understand why it’s mean, because it has feelings like you or I, and can be grumpy.
So my dad is a butthead because he always says I have to go to bed or stop playing chess or wear warmer clothing or go poop or stuff like that, or eat, or other stupid stuff but I’m big now and when I want to do something why can’t I because it’s not hurting anyone and I’m a good boy most of the time and even, once, I helped an old woman who dropped papers, and she was only a little taller than me but curved over like she was a lowercase letter r.
On every weekend, if mom or dad are home and they can either get a babysitter for my sister or sometimes they bring her, I get to go to the lake and play chess with my friends, and it's so cool because I have my own board and my own clock which I got for christmas. The men are so weird and funny but I like them even though some of them smell and get drunk and even smoke cigarettes which is so stupid but even some smart ones do but mom says that they only smoke because when they were younger they didn’t know better, she means scientists, but when I ask them they just laugh and say never to smoke but I already know that so they don’t even have to say it.
Larry is nice and big like an army man or some other big person job and he teaches me openings and sometimes we work on rook and pawn endings or combinations which are my favorite because they are really crazy and hard but fun because when you see what the right moves are you feel like you are really attacking a king like way back in the middle ages when adults often carried weapons and fought each other over honor or land or sometimes over god or something I don’t really know I have to read more about it but I know that they killed each other sometimes and they used swords and maces and catapults and other cool stuff to do it, and they wore armor.
My sister is named Erin and she is real small but it’s funny because her hair is long like maybe a 5 year old even though she is just 3 and she is sometimes really weird like she screams and clenches her fists when she is in an energetic and violent mood, which is kind of like a happy mood but a little scarier, and sometimes we fight but usually we get along fine because I’m in charge unless she starts biting and then I have to tell mom even though I don’t want to but biting is one thing we just don’t tolerate in our family.
I learned chess when I was 3 from this weird man who is a teacher with my dad and he wears the same brown sweater all the time and he comes over all the time and always has challenges for me like backgammon or chess or word games or sometimes math puzzles and it’s so fun because they’re really hard but when you think of what the answer is your mind can relax for a while but sometimes even I can’t get some problems like especially descrambling of words but I will when I’m older because I still have a lot of time and a lot to learn and I’m doing really well for my age because I read tons of chapter books and especially history and biographies because I want to know about every thing in the world and there are so many people who have lived and had so much to say and what I’m most curious about is what people did on average days way a long time ago, like ten thousand years ago, what were little 6 year old boys like then in like caves and did they paint those horses or play with weird toys made of bone and did their parents watch them and play games with them and always ask them what they were thinking and what they were going to become when they were older or could they just do what they wanted when they wanted like maybe kill a tiger or just read all day without doing stupid stuff like making their stupid bed if they even had beds with sheets back then which they probably didn’t but it would be so funny if they did, and weird.