I had been unbearably sour the last few weeks. All of my family and friends were getting visibly upset with me, and made it clear that they did not want me around, not while I was acting as I was.

Finally, I got up the courage to go talk to someone about it. Not the doctor, I didn't feel that it was a physical problem - I felt more fit than I ever had, after stepping up my exercise routine.

I had one session with a psychologist, but that didn't seem worthwhile, as she seemed to think it was just my mood, just something minor that would pass. It's been weeks, I complained, but she just brushed me off.

Finally, I saw an add in the paper for a citrologist. Now, normally, I ignore this alternative medicine crap. I didn't want to get ripped off by some wacko making a bunch of claims about how their methods totally alter your moods and make you better by sniffing some wierd scent, or by being touched to music, or sleeping inside a chamber made completely of magnets. But this one caught my eye.

Feeling Sour?
Ever bitter?

You may be suffering from citrus imbalance!
Come in for a free consultation!

I figured "what the heck?" and made an appointment with a very sunny receptionist. They had a time slot in two days, and I took it.

I felt silly for a while, wondering what I had just done. I was so embarassed, as if I had just made a complete fool of myself. But I sucked it in, knowing that I hadn't told anyone about this, and they'd never need to know.

Two days later, I walked into the office. It was bright, and the air was so crisp with the slight smell of citrus. The cheerful receptionist took my name, and told me to go ahead and sit down, it should only be a minute. 45 seconds, actually, until I was called in.

5 minutes of talking, one saliva sample, and he pronounced, "too many lemons and not enough limes. Now fix that." He then left. What the hell?

I stifled my anger, and followed the instructions. No more than one glass of lemonade every two days, and no other lemon, and must have lime juice in one meal a day, whether to drink, or in a recipe.

Two days later, I was happier than I have ever been! I've been to my citrologist for every problem since, and it's been solved with his help! I am a definite in favor of citrus balance!!

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.