10. Old-fashioned White House remodeled into modern, crowd-pleasing Giant Squid aquarium
9. Evidence of political or ethical wrongdoing disposed of easily in beaky mandibles of death
8. Knife Fight Monkey - a psychotic, knife-wielding simian - as V.P.; who could ask for more?
7. A vote for any third-party candidate, soul-sucking Old One or not, is a vote against the Demopublican regime
6. All non-Giant Squid-voting puny humans will be crushed in beaky mandibles of death
5. Tentacle porn becomes mainstream
4. Increased emphasis placed on protecting ocean environment; alternate fuel sources to oil emphasized, obviating any further need for involvement in Middle East
3. Life - and prime time TV - no longer disrupted every 4 years by those annoying election debates
2. Unwieldy two-party system consolidated into more streamlined one party system
1. Presidential veto power renamed to "Eato" power
Remember, vote Giant Squid and Knife Fight Monkey in 2004!
If you're going to vote for the lesser of two evils, why not vote for pure evil and be done with it?
Credit for invaluable assistance goes to machfive, who will be fittingly rewarded by not being crushed in beaky mandibles of death or stabbity stab stabbed