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My new idea for a money-making venture. I got this idea when a friend of mine working at a temp job complained that her job could be done by a trained monkey (the job essentially consisted of walking around an office taking pieces of paper from place to place).

So I thought, why not use trained monkeys? They'd work for a lot cheaper (probably for bananas and occasional moist monkey love) and that way I could undercut the prices of all other temp agencies and still make a huge profit.

Anyone know where I could get a monkey trainer?

I would suggest the Southeast Asian islands for The World's Best Monkey Trainer. Why?

Namely, there is a coconut farmer (what exactly does one call a coconut man?) there who in fact uses trained monkeys.

(Following information taken from TLC. Surgeon General's Warning : Don't believe everything you see on TV.)

This one Polynesian man who raised monkeys from birth (apparently very caringly, but who knows what happened off-camera). At a certain age, he took them and held their little monkey hands and used them to spin a coconut. They slapped and slapped the coconut in order to keep it turning. Eventually, he would let go and let the little monkeys keep slapping and spinning. If they did it properly, they received food. (Who knows what if they didn't! Monkey stew?)

Then, the monkeys were trained to retrieve coconuts. Again, with food as a reward. And, finally, they were sent up into the trees where, due to proficient training, they would slap and slap the coconuts until they spun so far as to fall from the tree. They would, then, climb down and carry the freshly harvested coconut to the "nice" coconut man, who gave them a little piece of food (MUCH less than the coconut, naturally).

Tada! Ground Controls's Trained Monkeys, Inc. come to life. Everybody run out and get yourself a monkey. NOW.

I would just like to point out that the word monkey has now become utterly estranged. Please let me know if it's spelled incorrectly here. I can no longer look at "monkey" and know if it's properly spelled. Thank you. -- Another said victim of Monkey-Eyestrain

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