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In this modern age, it is the duty of all civilized men to stand up for the rights of the frail gentle emotional flowers that are our women. When faced with the mysogyny and clearly confused voices of the brutish men of the past, it is out solemn duty to revise and correct these dated expressions of humanity's greatest folly, the now completed battle of the sexes. Here is a revised, emotionally neutral, gender non-specific sanitized version of "Uncle Robin's Advice for Lovelorn Geeks", a writeup that was correctly revised by the Ministry of Truth. Big Brother reminds you to report any deviations that you find that carry a similar tone:

A little piece of advice from Roblimo as posted on Slashdot October 24, 1999.

One piece of advice from this guy human for other guys was to not look for geek girls because they would be too busy for us geek guys anyways. Now how am I supposed to find somebody who likes my interests? Anybody? (implys lonelyness - doubleungood)

Besides, he's married to some little lady who likes to stay at home and constantly decorating, not a geek girl. (implys an inferior person - doubleungood)


And now, here's the original text for the article. The URL from Slashdot is http://slashdot.org/features/99/10/23/202252.shtml

Posted by Roblimo on Sunday October 24, @11:17AM EST
from the everybody-loves-somebody-sometime dept.
(implys plagerism - doubleungood)

"How do I find a woman person like her them?" I often get asked this question by young computer dudes who meet my lovely wife, Debbie, and wonder how an old ugly persons like me managed to get hold of such a wonderful persons while smarter, studlier young guys (like them) seem to strike out with every female they meet. (implys questions not given to Big Brother - doubledoubleungood) These lonely youngsters all seem to think I must have a set of magic rules for attracting females people . And guess what? I do. (implys questions not answered by Big Brother - doubledoubleungood) Click "Read More" and I'll share them with you.

Don't Waste Your Time on Geek Girls Peoples
Here you are, an obsessed coder and all that, spending 2/3 of your waking time online and clicking on Slashdot five times a day. Wouldn't it be nice if you could find a woman person who shares your interests?

No! (implys bad - ungood)

A woman person just like you wouldn't be there for you when you wanted a hug(implys touch - ungood). She person'd be obsessively coding or posting on Slashdot herself, and would brush you off when you needed herthem. What you really want is a woman person who will be there for you when you get tired of staring at your monitor and need some loving (ungood), but will leave you alone and not demand your attention when you're busy(++). You don't want a Geek (ungood - intelligence) Girl person. You want a woman person who is willing and able to meet a geek's needs, which is not the same thing at all.

Men persons involved in activities that demand long periods of intense(ungood) concentration (programmers, artists, writers, musicians, etc.)(ungood) need women persons who will respect(++) what they do and help them do it well, not women who compete with them.

We need what are now called "old fashioned(ungood) girls persons" who don't mind cooking our meals, rubbing our sore(ungood) shoulders, and running our bath water for us. There are plenty of these women persons out there. They're as eager to find you as you are to find them. The trick is sorting through the 6 billion people(ungood) on this planet to find the woman person who is right for you instead of wasting your time on women persons with whom you cannot possibly build a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship(ungood).

Forget the Girls person in Play boy persons
The silicone-enhanced babes persons you see posing in skin mags and on porn Web sites aren't interested in you. Neither are the blondies you see hanging on football players' arms, and even if one of them suddenly decides you'd be a nice change after the other men persons she's they had in her their life, you'll probably be disappointed(++) with her.

I've gone out with more than a few "hot babes persons" in my time (I wasn't always married) and I generally found them to be more trouble(++) than they were worth. Women persons who look great aren't necessarily good in bed, and those who have learned how to use their looks as a tool to manipulate men persons will almost always make your life miserable in the long(ungood) run. If nothing else, they're expensive(++). Do you have any idea how much someone like Pamela Anderson (celebrity - ungood) spends on clothes, makeup, and cosmetic surgery(ungood) every year? Trust me: it's more than you can afford unless you're a rock star or the CEO of Oracle (Hi, Larry!) (Larry - ungood), and even then it's more than she'sthey're probably worth.

When you take off their clothes and their makeup, many "hot" womenpersons are really rather plain. The trick is to find a womanperson who doesn't spend a lot of time and money cuting herselfthemself up, but is pleasant to hold once all the packaging is removed. She'llThey'll be more likely to want some cuddling than the vain(ungood) ones, and, unlike them, will concentrate(ungood) on loving you instead of worrying about getting her hair messed up(ungood).

Practical hint: ever notice how, at a dance or in a bar, 90% of the men try to glom(ungood) on to 10% of the womenpersons? Be smarter(++) than those guyspersons! Pay attention(++) to the womenpersons who look nice but unspectacular and are being ignored because they aren't perfectly dressed or made up. The best software(++) usually doesn't come in the fanciest(ungood) box, right? The same goes for girlspersons.

It's Okay to be Tongue-Tied(ungood)
Don't worry about other menpersons being "smooth talkers" while you're not. Many, possibly most, of your male ancestors were even less verbal than you, but they still managed to reproduce. (See your mirror for evidence.) Womenpersons don't always choose menpersons based on slick opening lines. Indeed, many womenpersons tend to be put off by prepared(++) "seduction(ungood)" speeches, and prefer an honest, if slightly tongue-tied, guypersons to one who who comes across as having practiced pickup lines for hours on end.

And your clothes don't make all that much difference to womenpersons as long as they're appropriate for the time and place. Be clean and neat(++). That's all you need(++).

A womenpersons who is only interested in your designer outfits is not only likely to be too shallow for you, but may also be interested in seeing you only in your fancy clothes, not out of them. This is not the right womanperson for you!

There's More(ungood) to Life Than Computing
The biggest mistake I see computer-obsessed menpersons make when getting to know womenpersons is to talk about nothing but computer stuff all the time. My wifefriend uses hertheir computer all day long as a working tool, but neither knows nor cares(++) what kind of NIC (a 3Com) or how much RAM (64 MB) it has inside. If I want to discuss PC hardware I do it with male friends, not with my wifefriend.

The best way to handle a conversation with a womenpersons, especially one you've just met, is to find out what interests herthem. Ask herthem questions! Not whether shethey likes to be tied to the bed with ribbons and have her tummy tongue-tickled (at least not on a first date) but about herthem hopes and dreams in life, favorite TV shows, and other general interest things like that. Work and school are usually safe conversational starting points(++).

You've heard this before, but body language is more important than your words(--). So look at the girlperson! I mean herthem eyes, not herthem breasts. Don't cross your arms and legs as though you're trying to protect yourself(++) from herthem. If you want to touch herthem arm, and she'stheir close, go ahead. Maybe she'll touch you back. If your touch wasn't overly intrusive, returning it will be a natural, almost instinctive(++), reaction on herthempart.

You're a little shy and awkward(++)? No big deal. shethey may be just as shy as you are. Don't push herthem. If shethey finds you at all attractive, shethey 'll find subtle ways to be close to you without making it look as if shethey's being pushy.

And if the girl finds you unattractive, shethey'll let you know that, too (so you can dump her before you get too serious). Paying attention is the key to picking up the signals either way. If you're having trouble understanding the ladythey's vibes, ask questions! All femalestheys come with HOWTOs(ungood). Verbal ones. Ask them questions like, "Does this feel good?" and they'll answer(++). They also like honest compliments, so if you touch the back of hertheir hand and it makes you feel all warm inside, go ahead and say, "Touching(ungood) the back of your hand makes me feel all warm(ungood) inside."

That's certainly a lot classier than, "You got nice boobs(ungood)," which is a statement virtually guaranteed to put off almost any womanperson who isn't selling hertheir body for drug(ungood) money(ungood).

In other words, you don't have to be slick with womanperson, but being stupid or crude(++) with them gets you nowhere. (Unless you like stupid, crude womanperson.)

Teenagers Take(ungood) Heart: It Gets Better
All teenage boysperson are idiots when it comes to girlsperson. And teenage girlsperson are idiots when it comes to boys. The girlsperson who laugh at you in high school laugh because they're nervous and, if you're exceptionally bright,(ungood) possibly because they're a little bit scared of you. Sooner or later those same girlsperson will get over their stupid crushes on Ricky Martin (in my time it was Ringo Starr), and other unreachable figures, and decide to look seriously at guysperson like you. This change generally comes between the ages of 18 and 25. Meanwhile, you may have matured a bit yourself by then, so that when the ditzy girlsperson of today turn into tomorrow's adult womenperson, you will no longer look or act like the dork(ungood) they thought you were in high school.

One warning: be gracious, not obnoxious(++), to girlsperson you find ugly at the age of 15 or 16. There was a girlperson named Jessica who had a slight crush on me in high school for some unknown reason. SheThey had horrible(ungood) acne, bad posture, braces, ugly(ungood) glasses, and wore tacky(ungood), faded(ungood) dresses. She was also a straight-A student(++) -- and slightly arrogant about it. I was not nice to this girlperson. Hardly anyone was -- except a very ordinary, slightly geeky(ungood) guyperson named Mike.

At 18, Jessica suddenly changed. It was like a movie(ungood) makeover. SheThey got new(ungood) glasses and the braces came off. SheThey got a better wardrobe, her acne cleared up, and she stopped being stuck-up about her academic achievements. And SheThey grew ... breasts(ungood). SheThey took longer than most to develop in the chest(ungood) department, but the results were worth waiting for. You know the rest of the story(++). It was Mike all the way. I'd blown my chance by being a jerk(ungood). I still have a flat spot on my forehead from banging it against the wall(++) over Jessica.

WomenThey Are More Complicated than Computers
I think this is why so many guyspersons hide their heads in their monitors instead of going out and meeting
womenpersons. Understanding womenpersons is harder than figuring out the hardest computer game(++), harder even than setting up a secure 200-client network running *BSD. But womenpersons can offer more satisfaction than even an overclocked, dual-Celeron workstation, so learning how to deal with them is worth the extra effort(++).

I believe the greatest frustration about womenpersons for menpersons who are used to dealing with Open Source software is that you cannot fix(ungood) flaws you find in them. You pretty much have no choice but to take them the way they are. For example, my wifefriend likes to redecorate frequently, which sometimes annoys me, but I've learned to shrug my shoulders and call this part of herpersons personality a feature, not a bug(ungood), and to accept it with the same good grace with which I accept a certain respected coworker's unique(ungood) approach to the English language.

But I take pride in the fact that I am just as much of a mystery to my wifefriend as shepersons is to me, and that shepersons can't change my source code any more than I can change herspersons.

Perhaps this is the true secret of finding a womanpersons to love: knowing that there is no such thing as a perfect femaleperson, but that a womanperson worth loving is worth loving in spite of herpersons imperfections, just as you are worth loving in spite of your imperfections -- to at least one womanpersons in this world, who is probably sitting alone right now, wishing shethey could find a fine, brilliant (if slightly shy) manperson like you to fill that big, empty spot(++) in hertheir life.


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