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Unwillingness to resolve conflict

It is vital that both parties in a conflict be willing to resolve it if any effective resolution is to be reached. When tension point is reached, and parties begin to take a 'negative stance' to each other this can be difficult. Mistrust is present and must be overcome. Sometimes you, or the other person may value the attention and support they are getting from others, and not want to lose that. To overcome unwillingness to resolve:

Discuss the benefits of resolution

  • Consider what each of you will gain from resolution and count the 'cost' of continuing conflict.

Identify what is blocking further discussion

Split the resolution process into smaller steps

Analyse the part you are playing

  • Are you expressing your emotions appropriately?
  • Have you done anything to build trust and empathy?
  • Have you clearly communicated your needs, views and concerns?

Consider your own resolution if the other person remains unwilling

  • Consider whether they have more to gain from continuing the problem than resolving it (the need to be right, control etc)
  • Step back emotionally to recognise the part of the problem that belongs to the other person.
  • Recognise when you have done all you can, and work towards your own resolution. (Take the practical and emotional steps necessary, such as removing yourself from the relationship).

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