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According to Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, the length of the mission depends upon the performance of the troops. "Hopefully, all will go well, and our very special forces will be back home within a week," Albright said. "But if there are setbacks, such as soldiers losing their keys or having trouble staying on task or forgetting to take their pills, it could take longer."

-- The Onion, "Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces to Iraq"

When the SEALs are making big smiley faces on the walls with their .45's, the GIGN are trying (yet failing) to form a human pyramid and the SAS are team killing while incoherently SHOUTING IN ALL CAPS you know you've joined the Very Special Forces team in Counter-Strike. Forget about rescuing the hostages, defusing the bomb or protecting the VIP -- the Very Special Forces aren't even useful in Operation: Human Shield-like maneuvers as those who deign to leave the start point do nothing but wander aimlessly until killed.

Should you train a member of the Very Special Forces to follow you for any appreciable distance be aware that he will probably never learn how to use the walk key -- preferring to tromp along at an ever-noisy run right up until he bumps into the wrong end of a terrorist's AK-47.

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