One of the most daunting challenges of Warhammer 40K is actually painting your entire army, particularly if you are interested in playing in a Grand Tournament. The average wargamer is not very disciplined, and so may often find themselves slacking off when they should really be painting their 2000 points of Orks or whatever army they happen to be fielding.

This isn't necessarily very surprising, especially given the amount of time it takes to paint a single model. You can easily spend hours painting the eyeballs of your Warlord, or getting that detail just right on the blood-splattered corpse riding shotgun on your Lemun Russ. However, in a tournament situation you don't always have the time to get everything ready. In light of this, I suggest the following tips for getting that army done in time...

  • Don't Slack Off: The easiest thing to suggest, and the hardest one to stick with. Hell, even as we speak I have 30 Space Marines, 7 tanks, 3 Obliterators, and a host of other niggly things to paint before March 8th. And what am I doing instead? Writing a WU on how to paint. This just goes to show you just how hard discipline is to maintain.
  • Paint in Batches: Doing a single model at a time is horribly inefficient. Instead, establish stages of painting and get a group of models to each stage before moving on. I tend to do things a squad at a time.
  • Paint With Others: If it works with addiction, it will work on anything. If you paint with friends, you'll be more inclined to continue painting and get things done. On the other hand, painting alone will cause you to slack off and distract yourself. This is a bad thing.
  • Stretch: No matter how big or tiny you are, you're still several order of magnitude larger than the figurine being painted. This naturally will put yourself into extremely awkward positions that your body will not enjoy. The occasional stretch (or better yet, massage) will help you paint better and longer.
  • Schedule Yourself: If you have a ton of miniatures to paint, schedule yourself properly and STICK TO IT. If you can keep yourself painting a tank every weekend and a squad every week, you should be able to get everything done in time. It just takes patience and discipline.
  • Don't Paint While Drunk: It never helps.
  • Don't Forget To Play: You might get so sick of painting that you'll just give up in frustration, which is not good. Relieve your load by playing the occasional game with your half-painted army; as you progress you'll see a change. This also gives you plenty of practice for the tournament.
  • Reward Yourself: Variety is the spice of life. If you finish painting a squad, reward yourself by painting up a tank or some other different model next. Not only will it keep you interested, but you won't get sick of painting the same thing over and over again.
  • Don't Despair: Just paint. If it seems hopeless, keep it up anyway. Nobody likes a quitter, and more importantly the more you paint the fewer minis you'll be inclined to borrow if you can't get them all done.

Happy painting.

I remember the first time I met Besovi. It had been some time since I thought about everything2 website. This was after I had just made use of some quality heroin I'd bought through a dealer. All day I'd been popping pills and flashing the teachers when they got out of school. My life was sick. My life was twisted. My life was wrong. My life was not about love. I was a thrill seeker rather than a penitent man.

Not long ago I was cleaning up my act. In my home I find piece of paper of average size. On paper is written information. This information is about everything2 website I have not been to visit in more than decade. What a turn of events. So good. So right. Besovi was guiding me. I saw myself in the mirror. It was not good. What I saw was not good. I was bloated. Red meat. I was distended. Booze and drugs. There were insects on my body. Lack of personal hygiene. And so I knew the answer. Everything2 is love. Love is the answer. Just enough. Not too much. Come when you wish. Leave when you desire. There is nothing else like it. And yet so many dead or gone. What is answer to predicament?

On this piece of paper was written a crappy poem about how everything2 was filled with such giants of writing skill and turn of phrase. Yet they painted miniatures. Little nodes. Tiny little nodes. Painted by giants of talent and imagination. Now they are all on drugs. Why? To get to the root of things we examine further.

It would probably be unfair to blame the decline on the presidency of Barack Obama. Although the two events do coincide. It would be faulty logic to connect the two. They are events which occurred at the same time. Therefore not necessary connected. But could be. We do not have enough information. Probably not. Makes no sense. It is more than likely connected to the fact that people either didn't love enough or they loved too much. Since each individual is diffierent there may be some of each. Two categories. One type of noder who did not love enough. Another type of noder that loved too much. There was not enough of the third type. The third type would be those who loved just enough. But not too much. This we can conclude. The evidence is there along with solid reasoning. Whereas with the Obama example, there is no evidence or reasoning.

What happens to all those tiny models when people stop showing up to paint them? They remain unpainted. When noders stop showing up nodes do not get filled. When nodes stop being filled people stop showing up. This is what is called a cycle of events. One begets the other and so forth. How do you stop it? You either have to bring back people or start filling nodes. Or both. It is better if it is both but we cannot depend on this. We must put the cart in place before fetching the horse. So good. So right.

These people were GIANTS! The things they wrote. The tales they told. The funny they shared. The tears. The laughter. Once I read a writeup about a woman who gave birth on the subway. They came for the love. But the windows have been shuttered. The lights kept low. The love has not flowed. Let the love flow again. Just enough. Not too much. Join us. We are love. Come for the love. We have just enough. So good. So right. Say it with me.

Not long before the plan formed completely I met a man. Tired man. Dirty clothes. Homeless. Sleeping on bench. Itching. Constantly. Scraggly beard. Sat down next to him. Had a sandwich to eat. Took out of plastic bag. Began to eat. Finished eating. Man sits up. Looks at me. And then I recognized him. This man was on everything2's list of best noders. Now all he had was a bottle of gin and more fleas than I could count. We let him down. He needed us. We didn't love enough. We can learn to love. Just enough but not too much. It is the formula as revealed to me by Besovi. Praise Besovi!

Besovi was there in the bathroom with you the first time you got your period. Right there in the room with you. Making sure you got just enough love. But not too much. And you made it through. You've had a lot of tough times since then. Eh, Bunky? You sure have. You know it. I know it. Everyone on the everything2 website knows it. But are they full of just enough love for you? Do they not give you enough? Do they give you too much? What would you say to the other noders out there? You would say you were sorry. You were sorry you did not love enough. Or that you loved too much. Then you will hug. Maybe even kiss. Go with the flow. Let it happen. It is natural. But be certain you have consent. Not getting consent is not loving someone enough. It is awful. Get consent before touching other noders at noder meets. It is the right thing to do. Do the right thing.

Besovi isn't ashamed. Besovi has quirks. Besovi is love. Besovi has eyes. Besovi has a mouth. Through the eyes one sees. Through the mouth one speaks or tastes food or wine. We know Besovi. We love Besovi. You always love Besovi enough. You can never love Besovi too much. Hold Besovi like teddy bear at bedtime. Soothe shattered dreams and broken promises. Get back in the game. Paint some miniatures. Fill some nodes.

Myself I have a history with miniatures. This is a side note presented as part of the writeup. This is somewhat incidental information. I will continue. When I was thirteen long before everything2 website first visit I collected miniatures. We used them for a selection of role playing games that endured popularity at the time. Some were better than others. Some were not as good as others. Some were about average. It was hard to tell from the box sometimes. I would use miniatures during the games. I may have one or two of them. Others have been lost. I'm sorry.

I will tell you yet another tangential story. It is only remotely related to the topic of miniatures. That is only because it begins with me talking to my friend Gerald about miniatures on the phone at the very beginning. From what I can recall there are no other miniatures in the story. Even alluded to. I'm sorry.

One day I was talking to my friend Gerald about miniatures on the phone. My mother came into the room and made me hang up the phone. Was not done talking. I was not. Made this clear. Parent/child situation evolving. In the end no say in the matter. Mother dictated terms. Agreement not necessary. You know drill. After about an hour of being dressed down by my mother she stopped. She sent me to my room. There was no supper that night. Would have practically killed for a radish at one point. You know drill. It went that way. My childhood lacked the influence of Besovi. There was not enough love. There was never enough. There wasn't even enough love in my mother's cold heart to give me a radish. Firm in her punishments she was. Also very irregular about them.

What about nodes attracted us to them in the first place? For some it was that they were empty. For some it was that they were full. For others it was that they had some material in them but room for more. Most noders felt one way or the other about nodes. There may be exceptions.

Frank Sinatra is no longer with us. He passed away some time ago. That doesn't mean we can't still appreciate his beautiful records and golden voice. We have recordings. Frank was a giant of the music industry and the entertainment world in general. He recorded beautiful songs onto tapes that were transferred to CDs and DVDs that will last for eternity. If Frank had sung his songs alone in the bathroom what would we have? The same thing happens when people leave the site and stop noding. They die. Don't die. Stay. Node. You will begin to feel a certain way. Goosebumps are not uncommon. Noding good. So good.

There was an anecdote. Friend of mine who is a noder told me. In 2006 or 2007 at a noder meet in Ohio at some remote chateau noders rented there was secret room behind bookcase. Apparently a house full of secrets. Seventeen noders went into secret room drunk and naked. It is said the moans were heard from next county. It was supposedly a ten foot by ten foot room. So you can imagine. What is this an example of? It is an example of trying to love too much. He also told me it was at this point most noders fled. The connection could be incidental but it may not be. We have to consider.

I don't want to lecture you. I see you. So shy. So afraid to admit you failed outside of everything2 website. You are welcome back. The light is on. The door is open. We have just enough love for you. Come. Stay. Don't ever leave. So good. So right.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.