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Countless studies have proven that video games and other media sources make kids violent! Sure, you may think superman makes kids want to fight evil, but they're far more likely to try and use X-ray vision to look under women's clothing!

RPGs are an extremely serious threat especially, as they encourage role playing! This activity forces kids to make difficult decisions and use their brain. Solid scientific evidence shows that kids undergoing such stress could (god forbid) develop a mind of their own!

To oppress our Lamarckian ideas on society, we have decided to prove the matter once and for all. Several years ago we began raising a young boy, our messiah, in an underground laboratory. For hours, we forced him to watch the great golfers (a good, harmless, sport) on television, so that he would one day also become great. Surely, you know who this turned out to be!

Tiger Woods!

To stop violence and create a peaceful environment, it is imperative that everyone begin watching golf videos! For centuries to come, we will use clubs to hit balls instead of each other! What a wonderful, prosperous time awaits us!

Don't you dare forget, ignorance is strength!


Kudos to Dork Tower for the title idea.

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