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"Water Therapy" - a term I only just discovered. An amazing way to treat a variety of symptoms. Apparently this miracle cure works on everything ranging through headaches, constipation, arthritis, dysentery, asthma, meningitis, kidney stones, leukemia, rectal prolapse, eye diseases, and of course, the vital selling point for any miracle cure: cancer. I'm sure the only reason they don't list decapitation is that no-one can figure out how to get someone to drink all that water while their head is rolling around on the floor.

On hearing about this, I was intrigued by the lunacy. I googled "Water Therapy", and learned something new from the summaries:

".water therapy is just amazing...,so amazing..! though i have to really urinate a lot of times in an hour but it makes sense. it makes me feel so good and …"

I wasn't sure I wanted to read that page. I had the feeling that clicking on that link was effectively going to be some horrible version of rickrolling involving fetishes about bodily functions. But the temptation was too great. I sighed, and opened the page, thinking that the cure for cancer is worth the risk...

"Thank goodness," I thought, "it's not a perverted paraphilia page about peeing. It is, however, stupid."

The general idea behind water therapy is that the patient (they'd have to be patient to try this) must drink 1.5 litres of water every morning, right after waking up. They may wash their face afterwards - Maybe this helps too. I imagine that in the world of water therapy, external application of water helps the healing process. It is a miracle substance, after all. There is the dire warning that the person undergoing water therapy "may feel the need to urinate 2-3 times" in the next hour. The word "may" is the shocking part there - I can't imagine anyone getting through an hour after drinking that much of any liquid without needing to relieve themselves.

For some reason, despite the heading "How To Do Water Therapy", there is no explanation of how to drink the water. I'm fairly certain this means they're going to lose a lot of potential converts to this practice, because it certainly can't be the normal drinking method most people use. There's probably a special way to swallow that helps the water cure all those diseases caused by bacteria.

The speed of the treatment varies according to the ailment. According to the couple of sites I looked at, tuberculosis takes three months - yet cancer takes four weeks. On top of that, one site says that diabetes will be cured after thirty days, another that it only takes seven. I suppose this means you have to shop around, do some research, and pick the site that says you'll be cured faster to be your water therapy provider. Of course, by "provider" in this sense I really mean "A web page that says to drink a lot of water every morning". Some conditions are particularly resistant to water - people with arthritis are instructed to drink 1.5 litres of water three times per day. I'm guessing there's a good chance someone will try to condense all that down into one go. They will probably die.

What strikes me as a major problem - to go with all the other problems I see - is that consuming so much water every morning is a bit of a hurdle. I would think most people would patently not have time for this - let alone feel happy about having to go to the bathroom several times afterwards. It could cut into the morning routine. But there's an answer...

The people who push downing one and a half kilograms of water every morning have clearly never heard of homeopathy. Why drink 1.5 litres of this miracle cure called "water" every morning? As far as I can tell, it's supposed to be effective because of the dosage. Well, I'm sure this cure for cancer (and everything else) could be made much more effective, and less of a hassle, by simply diluting some water down to one part per trillion.

The sad part is, one part per trillion vials of water dissolved in water would probably sell well.

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