Water cooler bong

I can make a bong out of anything because I am a Certified Bong Technician. In this lesson of bongineering, I will show you how to create a bong out of a water cooler with a minimal investment of time, money, and effort. This bong is designed to intimidate (and destroy) mere mortals and titillate and floor potheads.

This beautiful homemade bong will, when filled at least half-way, have much more water filtering your smoke than most bongs. (Also, the chamber will be much bigger too.) Consequently:

• You will have to pull hard.
• You will have to pull several times before the chamber is full. (The size of the chamber obviates the need for a carb.)
• You will barely taste the smoke.
• You and your friends will be unable to stand within fifteen minutes and will be truly perplexed as to how you got so high.

This bong will cost you about $5 to construct.

Minimum equipment necessary:

• A water cooler. You can steal these from all sorts of place for free.
• A pipe bowl. $1 at a head shop. Improvising this item is contraindicated unless you know what you're doing. Don't make a bowl out of aluminum foil. Supposedly it will emit toxic fumes when burned.
• A rubber stopper the size of the mouth of the water cooler. $1 at a hardware store.
• A thin (roughly the same diameter as the bowl's opening) hollow metal tube, slightly shorter than the water cooler. $1 at a hardware store.
• A hollow rubber tube, about 2 ft. $2 at a hardware store.
• A sharp knife/scissors/&tc. Just something sharp that you can use for "general purpose" impaling.

Take the metal tube and gently twist it into the rubber stopper so that the rubber stopper is impaled by the tube.

              stopper
               ____
 tube         /    |
===============================
              \____|

Then, slide the tube out so that it only sticks out of one side of the rubber stopper and ease the bowl into the other side of the rubber stopper.

                      stopper
                        ____
 tube                  /    |/|
============================< | bowl
                       \____|\|

Now, carve a hole in the water cooler, near the top. Squeeze the rubber tube in to the hole a few inches. The hole should be small enough that the tube fits snugly and air-tightly.

Put the rubber stopper in the top and you're good to go!

(The following image should be rotated 90 degrees counter-clockwise, duh.)

     (water cooler)
  ---------------------
 /          >          \
|           >           \
|  (water)  >            \____
|           >             ----
|           >            /    |/|
| ==========>=================< |
|           >            \____|\|
|           >             ----
|           >            /
|           >        ===================== (rubber tube)
|           >          /
 \---------------------