Weetabix

Sadly, they've now become corporate.

:(

Fruitibix and Bananabix are available - sadly, bananabix is actually really really tasty.

All of these make the eater shit like a trooper.

Imagine, if you will, for a moment, the particle board that they use to make cheap home entertainment centers. Imagine it soaking in milk for 2 weeks until it is soggy and mushy. This is exactly the same consistency as weetabix that's been in milk for over 30 seconds. Despite this rather horrid texture, it doesn't taste too bad, kind of "wheaty" with a bit of honey. It comes in urinal cake sized pucks which won't fit in the bowl so it is best to crush them with your hands a bit, like Shredded Wheat.

As mentioned above, Weetabix was advertised on British television during the 1980s by a set of animated characters devised by advertising executives Danny Blake and Kaarl Hollis. The characters were essentially Weetabix biscuits with arms, legs and faces, dressed in archetypal skinhead gear (bovver boots, jeans, and t-shirts). This caused some controversy amongst sensitive parents, especially given that 'Oi!' and the Brixton riots were fresh in the memory. Nonetheless, the Weetabix characters were retained into the 1990s. They were called Brian, Bixie, Brains, Crunch and Dunk - Brains had glasses, Brian was mentally subnormal, Crunch was the leader, and the others had no defining characteristics.

Along similar lines, at much the same time Hoffmeister's 'Follow the bear' advertising campaign (which utilised a man in a bear suit, and an instrumental version of Grandmaster Flash's 'The Message') was discontinued due to fears that children were identifying with the bear too readily.

The Weetabix slogan was actually "If you know what's good for you, Weetabix, okay?", with the final word delivered by Brian, the 'thick' character, in a strangled Geordie accent.