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The single most important thing when you are looking to pick up women for love is the ability to make winky eyes. There is no question whatsoever about this despite what namby-pamby types will tell you about feelings and the ability to play an instrument.

Going out to restaurants and piano bars as often as I do, often four or five times per day, I see a lot of pretty women out and about but there is always the question of what to make of these sexual scenarios. Being bald and having to compensate for that by carrying a handgun I already have two strikes against me in the meat market so steps must be taken and must be taken quickly and with authority. At some point around this time I discovered the importance of being able to make winky eyes.

The basic steps you take involve visibly closing and then opening one eye in the direction of a pretty woman. She will immediately take notice of your winking and raise her glass in a toast to you nine times out of ten. At this point you are in and must take it up a notch. The next step is to wink with the other eye while smiling and then raise your glass in a toast to her. A relationship is established.

One of the methods I have scientifically developed involves jutting your head forward and slightly to the side while making winky eyes, being sure to retract the head after each winky wink. And always smile broadly, showing your rack of teeth unless you have bad teeth in which case you want to keep your lips pursed and grin broadly. I recommend grinning with sealed lips as broadly as possible. The next step is to turn your head and tilt it down towards your crotch while making alternating winky eyes at the pretty woman who you have now established a lasting relationship with. This indicates that you have an interest in a sexual scenario at her place or yours. Nine times out of ten she will raise her glass in another toast to your proficiency and look down at her cleavage to indicate there is a comfortable place to sleep between there. Excellent things are happening now thanks to the power of winky eyes.

At this point you need to spread the love around. Scan the restaurant or piano bar and make winky eyes at other pretty women. I like to mix in some rising and falling in my chair to indicate antsy feeling in the pants which lets women I establish lasting relationships with in this way know that I am feeling the love and have anxiety. Wearing a nice shirt and tie also helps as well as not wearing sunglasses while making winky eyes (because then the winking isn't really seen because sunglasses are dark and cover up the eyes).

Yes, this method only works with nine out of ten pretty women, so what about the tenth lady? Do you just give up? "No" is what I say to this kind of surrender thinking that leads to poor choices like opening a movie theater in the day and age of DVD rentals. The 1940s are over, people, and movie theaters haven't make a profit since 1985. This is not the time to open a freaking movie theater! Only drunks and people having their homes sprayed for bugs go out to the movies. Get with it. Netflix has thousands of titles and there are no late fees and no limits on how many movies you can watch at home in three different formats. What are you waiting for? Sign up for Netflix today.

You must have organization and know when to "lay down the smack." The tenth woman can be won over with a wider assortment of winky eyes methods and tricks, such as quickly switching back and forth between each of your winky eyes, rapid and unpredictable head movements, and making the kissing motion with your lips by pursing them together gathering up the lip flesh into a circular pattern and then pushing forward to indicate a rock solid tight kiss in her direction. Very few women can resist the kissing motion combined with winky eyes and for those that remain there is always the tire iron and the trunk of a 1978 Buick.

Good luck going out and making winky eyes at the women. And ladies, let me tell you, real men love it when you make winky eyes at them, so let us all get out there and start doing it.

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