Ongoing cartoon
sketch in the British
comedy show
Big Train. It shows just how people who don't watch
sport on television perceive how monotonous
sport on television actually is.
Big Train's Paul Hatcher conceived the idea of adding all the cliches of such coverage to a novel sport - staring. Two contenders face each other and see how long they can stare at each other without blinking or some other parasympathetic nervous reaction occuring. Last man sitting - usually with the capillaries of their eyes resembling the veins on Bruce Lee's torso - wins. Actually Paul was inspired by the chess contests between Anatoly Karpov and Gary Kasparov. It was the dullest, most prolonged and ultimately one of the most controversial contests in the history of the sport lasting five months before the president of the International Chess Federation annulled the entire event" says Paul Hatcher, " At one stage, 17 consecutive games ended in draws, leaving me and my co-commentators with nothing to prattle on about except the players' clothing and what they'd had for dinner"
The contest takes place in somewhere like Wembley Stadium, commentated by the dry prattle of two Stare-Off experts who discuss the backgrounds, techniques, positions and anything else about the starers, while waiting for a sign that either will break. At their disposal are an array of cameras to cover the championships from a range of angles and slo-mo'ing movement of sweat over the starer's foreheads. Contenders for the World Stare-Out Championships include Ted 'The Head' Stead (US), Sigmund Spassky (Poland) and Alessandro Kampagnola (Italy).