XYZ Affair

Story:

I had some reading to do for my history class. This was boring. I flipped back to the index and looked at some of the entries in my new text. This book sucked compared to The American Pageant because there wasn't anything about salty tea for fish or crops laughing with harvest.

In the index, I found something called the XYZ Affair. Being an incredible historian, I kicked off my socks, let my head fall back into my pillow, complacently rested the book on my chest, and envisioned what this could be. Some sexual liaison in colonial times. In my little head spun a tale of Benjamin Franklin at a Tory dinner party. Picture this:

It's 1751, decades before the war or before anything significant, and Benjamin Franklin has just came from a whorehouse having his way with the town whore (I know someone will challenge this, but if you didn't know it is said that he has many illegitimate children). He's rather pleased with himself, but alas! He has forgotten to fix his pants!

Benjamin Franklin walks into the party as crowds of socially elite folks cock their heads at his pants to catch a glimpse of "Big Ben". Women in headwigs faint in the arms of their husbands, and someone like Silas Deane and their spinster friends, point at his pants and exclaim, "XYZ!"

"And this was the XYZ Affair of 1751."

Now that's something you won't read about in Poor Richard's Almanac!

The Real Story:

1797 - John Adams is trying to stave off war with France, whose navy and privateers are raiding American ships. The French foreign minister demanded a bribe before allowing negotiations to begin. The Americans refused, and the XYZ Affair began. Adams substituted the letters X, Y, and Z for the names of French officials involved in official documents.

In 1798, Congress enlarged the army and a naval war broke out with France.