"So when is your
wife due?"
"
WE are due to have our Nth child November 8th."
"Wow, I didn't realize
she was pregnant!"
"Yes, WE've been
expecting for some time."
C'mon people, I understand that it is
awkward to think of a married couple as one, but really, these are OUR
kids that WE are having. She carries them for
the first nine months, I carry them for the next 10
years, it all evens out in the end (well, in a perfect world. I'm sure that WE can both do better at sharing OUR loads).
But seriously, do you honestly think that only
the female side of this
marriage is having this
experience?
We had our first child, and chose to go through our first
pregnancy and delivery under the care of a
midwife (who was a
registered nurse, and associated with ob/gyns). I made every effort to go to every
appointment with my wife since WE were expecting, and the midwives (there were two) would make real efforts to include me. I didn't realize how nice this was (or how
not-normal it is) until
our insurance changed and we had to go to a different set of midwives for our
second child. We saw about 3 of the 9 midwives that worked there, and one of them actually introduced themselves to me... once... Occasionaly the others would look at me and
half-smile.
Luckily our
insurance changed again, and we were able to go back to our previous set of widwives midway through the pregnancy. The change was
so refreshing!
We are both
contributing to our
family, and sometimes in very specific ways. We purchased a
house, and we both have a legal obligation to pay for the
mortgage. Strictly speaking, however, I produce the income that has allowed us this
purchase. To extend
perhapsadingo8yrbaby's rather
painful analogy, were my wife to kick me in the groin she could very well say, "We've been kicked in our balls!" Strictly speaking the balls in question are attached to me and are in my care, however they are simply part of a whole that is our marriage.
If one asks me how the fetus is developing in the
womb of my
wife's body, then I will feel at ease making the distinction about our fetus being physically located inside my wife's body.
If, instead, one asks how the pregnancy is going, they are not only asking about the
physical development of the
fetus. They are showing they care about us and want to know how we are doing - emotionally, mentally, as well as physically. Right now they typically only consider the woman's emotions, mental state, and general well-being.
This is simply a plea for people to broaden their scope. I'm not saying that we should go to the other
extreme. Certainly one should inquire about how my wife is doing, but they should
be thoughtful and ask how I'm doing as well.