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He isn't asleep, only waiting for me to turn my head and stare at him,  His eyes, half closed, reflect bits of dim light leaking through the blinds and his hand is flat across his bare chest. 

I'm quiet and angry.  I shift towards the edge of the bed and he moves, enveloping me with his arms and pulling me back to him.  His mouth is on my ear, his breath quiet and warm against me, his skin is hot against my back.  I don't want to be here, I don't want him to be this close- because I know that this is so fucking fleetingExperiencing him is drinking too much and waking up sick and hung-over

He needs to shave, thoughts that buzz in my head,  my lips are raw from kissing him - as are his, red and chapped.  I hate this closeness with him because it will be over and I'll let him go and I'll hold my mouth shut while he pretends this isn't realityThis has never been real- to him.  He will sink into his reality and we will vanish into that fog.

I don't say a word but he feels my body tighten to pull away and he holds me harder.  He wraps his legs around mine and imprisons me.  This is what it is to experience him- pinned and helpless- he is so much stronger and I hate him for using it against me so many times.

"Don't get up yet," Words that buzz in my ear.  His breath still smells of alcohol, he never gets hung-over and I hate him for this too.  "Just lay here for a little while."

I can't relax, I can only give in for a little longer- this isn't my choice now as I'm pinned to him- and his lips brush across my neck and my skin breaks into goosebumps. The longer he does this the angrier I get - I'm furious at my body for loving this feeling and showing it to him. I try to force my way out of bed; but I can't move and he's here and he won't be later.  In the back of my mind I keep thinking if I can just get up and leave here I'll be OKHe'll stop playing these games. He'll stop making me a fool.  I know I can keep him if I reject him - because I'm stronger than he is- and this is just what he wants right now.

As long as I don't turn around everything will be just fine...

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