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No!! Never pollute your pure, untainted bacon sandwich with bits of plant and never EVER splodge dollops of mayonnaise on it.

To make the perfect bacon sandwich you require two slices of bread: not just any old bread, mind you, but the cheap pre-sliced white bread with no nutritional value whatever that you normally avoid like the plague. Butter this bread. One side only (we don't want the sandwich slipping through your fingers at a crucial moment), and in the name of your preferred deity, please use real butter. Margarine just will not do.

Now prepare your bacon. You'll want two, maybe three rashers in that there sandwich. For those worried about silly little things such as heart disease, cholesterol levels and saturated fats you can grill your bacon: but the true bacon sandwich connoisseur will always fry it. (Tip of the Day: if you get a non-stick frying pan you will only need a minimal amount of oil in which to fry your bacon. Healthy!)

Ideally you will be using nice back bacon, certainly not streaky. Rindless is a modern variation on the idea, but one that I personally approve of. Smoked or unsmoked is completely down to personal preference. Once your bacon is at the required degree of cooked-ness (once again personal preference rules the roost), skilfully flick the rashers into the waiting bread. Top off with ketchup or brown sauce (or just eat it naked if you're that way inclined) and experience culinary heaven.

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