black zombie

Careful with this one, folks. It's supposed to pack a no-holds barred, caffeinated punch. I hold no responsibility for what ensues afterwards (that includes sun spot activity, government conspiracies, and the prevention of gingivitis). And despite what you might think, it does not taste that bad. No effort to "chug" or "pound" the ZOMBIE should be attempted. Practice safe drinking.

hey, you didn't want to sleep anyway, right?

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what you'll need

• 1 can coke
  (or jolt if you never really liked that heart thing you got, anyway)
• 1 T instant coffee
  (caffeinated, duh)
• 1 T your choice of some general foods international coffee
  (and, no, you don't have to sing the jingle)
• 2 crushed NoDoz
  (it's important to use NoDoz because of their mere mintiness)
• 1 tall nickle content steel alloy mug
  (corrosion resistant)

what to do

1. First open yer soda like long before you need it...like a couple hours at least. Let it get lukewarm and flat. You can do this quicker by pouring it back and forth between two glasses. (if you say, "ahhh.." each time you decant it, you just might make a spectator have to pee). Now move it to the metal mug.
2. Slowly add 1 tablespoon instant coffee. If you haven't liberated the carbon dioxide from the soda it'll foam like crazy. If it does, trash the whole mess and start again. Never ever drink a foam filled partial Black Zombie. No, seriously. Don't.
3. Add GF coffee in the same way..ie, slowly.
4. Resist urge to sing jingle.
5. The drink will appear kinda milky. But don't let this make you think it's foaming up: if it rose in volume, then it did. If it didn't, yer okay. Now stir like a rabid gerbil ...When you think yer done, you're wrong. Keep stirring. When you think it's been mixed evenly, slap yerself and just keep stirring.
6. Sprinkle it with or stir in the NoDoz (crushed, unless your friends happen to know the heimlich). At this point the Black Zombie is complete.

Here's a possible change in the formula; made up during looong nights studying the DSMIV, Abnormal Psychology and other such fun college things.

Obligatory Warnings: May kick your tastebuds and stomach like a mule on steroids. Will cause an extreme need to empty the bladder a few hours after use. Not recommended if you're not a fan of extreme twitching

Take two to four premade shots of espresso, one half cup of Mt. Dew about three to four scoops of instant coffee, and some water joe, sweet sweet caffinated water.

As randir suggests, let the dew sit and get flat, it doesn't take long, trust me. Get yourself a nice big glass, something that you can hold with violently shaking hands Then add it to the espresso, slowly in case the carbonation decides to react violently; if this happens, you've got to wait a while to let it settle back down. Once the espresso and dew are allowed to mellow a bit. Next add the instant coffee (you may or may not want to use the type with lots of savory flavor, depending on the numbness of your tastebuds) Now, add the water joe so your beverage isn't thicker than Guinness Extra Stout. If inclined, add sugar or other taste altering substances. Mix some more. Drink slowly, shotgunning is NOT a good idea.

You may be able to get it all down in a quick sitting, but if not it can sit for a little while, it tastes the same hot or cold. In about thirty minutes you'll be a happy, caffinated little person, tearing around the room like a rabid ferret