"Hey, dude... look, you really, really shouldn't be driving tonight. Not the way you are."
"Shaddup, 'kay? I gotta get homm, I gotta werk tomorrow. (rolls eyes, recenters) You can' tell me what ta do. 'S my car, see?"
"But look, it's not safe, and besides it's illegal and you could kill some...."
"Hey, buddy, lissen. If you try callin' the cops on me or anythin' like that, I'm gonna come back here and kick your ass, 'kay? I'll drive right over ya, I mean it."
pause
"Say, that's a pretty sweet-looking car you've got there."
"Yeah, you like it? 'S mine. I take good care of it, fixed it up aaaaaaall by misself."
"I can believe it, you've done great work. But... well, it doesn't look all that fast."
"Whadayamean? I put th' engine in misself. 'S plenty fast."
"Oh, come on, I mean, look at it. I bet I could outrun this thing on my own two feet."
"What? No way, man. I'll show you, I'll race you down to the end of the street right now, show you how fast m' car is, kick your littel ass."
"Oh, come on, why so far? I'll bet I can beat you to that maple tree on the corner there."
"Yer on, man!" (gets in, starts the engine)
"Ready?"
(VRRRROOOMMMMMM)
"Set... GO!!"
(SCREEEEECCCHHHH.... BANG!!)
Silence. A tire rolls backwards down the street
"Dude, that was cruel."
"He's fine, look, he's picking his teeth out of the airbag now. Let's go, it's cold out here."
I should stress that the above conversation is a work
of fiction, but sometimes I wish it wasn't.