Cheap Wine

So a friend of mine walks into the liquor store after work one day with a buddy of hers. They have a grand total of three dollars between them, and they're looking to get tipsy at best. Her buddy picks up the cheapest bottle of wine in the store and saunters up to the counter. She looks at the clerk. The clerk looks at the bottle.

"So," says the buddy, "be honest with me. This wine is gonna taste like ass, isn't it?"

"Sure is," says the clerk.

"Okay," she says, "so what kind of ass will this taste like?"

The clerk thinks about it for a minute, and then replies with such a gem of wisdom that I wish I could take credit for it:

"If you haven't the means to afford vodka and Kool-Aid, then this is the ass for you." My friend and her buddy consequently paid for the wine and left. And yes, she reports, it did taste like ass.

five gallon bucket of florida oranges, navel or temple

one gallon of grape juice from the store

one package of yeast should be ample

squeeze the oranges with the winding grinder thing

I will add sugar to help it along

mix it all together top off with water and cover with a cotton towel

keep it dark for two weeks

transfer an oozing mass to another five gallon bucket

by filtering through the cotton towel

cover agan with clean towel and let settle for three days

add bentonite, a great mineral and a better name

it will take about two weeks to settle out

Pour off into bottles with cap or cork, it does not matter

Five gallons of wine for about three dollars.