Perhaps the most unfairly stereotyped group of all, fat guys are perceived by the public at large (no pun intended) to be stupid, lazy, antisocial, satyric, evil, clumsy, bumbling, pathetic, et cetera.

The only solace an overweight male is that he can be perceived as "cool" (or at the very least not the scourge of society) if and only if he is Black (see Notorious B.I.G., Big Pun, Carl on "Family Matters"). If he is of any other ethnicity, he is screwed.

Fat guys are the villains in nearly every cartoon. "Captain Planet" is the first that comes to mind. And of course there's the Kingpin from the "Spiderman" comics. And if they're not evil genii, they're bumbling dumbasses. How many times were you exposed to an animated fat guy saying the word "d'uh"? Just think about it. Same goes for movies and live-action TV. JD Hogg, anyone? Jimmy on "The Practice", the irksome moron of the group?

Once, while watching TV I saw a goddamned public service announcement talking about how to instill the strength to stand up to a vicious pedophile in little girls. Using a outdoor backdrop, each of the stupid little girls would look in the camera and talk about how they won't be violated. One of them said, "I am stronger than a 250-pound child molester." This drove me bonkers. Why would a pedophile be 250 pounds? Why not 150 pounds? 125 pounds? Just more stereotyping of fat guys. We can't get a date, so we resort to pedophilia. Morons.

We fat guys have the lowest threshold for public embarrassment. We can't do things our more physically diminuitive counterparts can. We can't dance without being sniggered at; we have to resort to locking ourselves in our rooms, turning on our stereos, and dancing with ourselves. We can't bump into people, oh no, that's a terrible faux pas. Of course, clumsy thin dorks can bump into people all the time and no one would bat an eye, but when one of us bumps into someone, we're clumsy fat fucks, and sometimes we're told as much. We can't knock on the doors of the homes of strangers without engendering wild suspicion, since we're all potential criminals, pedophiles, and the like. We can't ask women out because we'll be rejected, and she'll tell all her friends that the fat guy asked her out. But let's say for the sake of argument that the planets are aligned and a blue moon hovers above, and due to this magical confluence of astronomical wonders the hypothetical woman doesn't reject...we'll just go out on a date and be laughed at by on-lookers: "Whoa, what is that cute girl doing with that fat guy?" And of course we can't order anything of a remotely above-average quantity at a restaurant without gleaning stares, especially if we're with a date.

I know why I'm shunned by girls. Like otherwise ideal young men who've been overweight their entire lives, it's because of my body, and in particular my male breasts. Girls would otherwise pick some unintelligent asshole than date me just because excess fat is stored in certain places.

And it's not like we're all food-mongering maniacs, as society would like to believe. Many factors contribute to obesity, such as heredity and metabolism. I can walk into a donut store and gain weight. Other people can eat ridiculously copious amounts of food and never gain a pound. These rotten sons of bitches are not subject to the same tortures us fat guys are. They are true scrouges of society. They engage in eating frenzies, something that we're supposed to do (but we don't always do, and when we do glut ourselves, the wages are stares and snide remarks) without incurring the wrath of society and the upturned noses of the opposite sex.

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