Any activity designed to raise funds for a group.

Fundraisers take many forms: the $1000-a-plate political dinner, the car wash staffed by high school students, or the humble bake sale.

Selling items door-to-door is another form of fundraiser; the Girl Scouts market their cookies in this way (and through the coercion of hapless cow-orkers).

I go to a church fundraiser tonight. There will be a silent auction and a live auction. I have the program but I haven't read it. Right now I am a ridiculously poor physician, ethics and health having gotten in the way of me grabbing one of those "Come to Texas! $450,000 Annual Salary! Open Carry!" jobs. They'd work me until I croaked and I would not have time to do a good job. I can barely afford the ticket, but I am at least doing that.

Besides, there is nothing I need.

Almost nothing that I want... well, ok, there is one thing I want. Can't have it, so what's the next best?

After all, that book, The Secret, says that all we have to do is manifest what we want. So far my will must not be strong enough, because I have been manifesting as damned hard as I can. For two years. Any harder and I will bust an aneurysm. The small skeptical voice in my head also wonders why the rural kids in China are abandoned, but maybe The Secret has not been translated yet. Or their parents are working so hard for success they haven't had any time to read it.

Anyhow, I am going to try another tack. I will write up my second best and see if it manifests at the church supper tonight. I have a secret savings and by gosh, I'll smash my piggy bank if needed. Of course, the bidding may be fierce:

Auction Item: Man Hoe

This item is a Man with a Hoe.

Picture him coming out on stage.

Hoe, carhartt's, toolbelt, mmmmm, lots of muscle and doesn't deign to do anything as stupid as WASH the carhartt's. The dirt and paint is an extra layer of protection.

You can bid for the Man Hoe. He will tend your garden once a week for a year! Weeds too high? Need the grass trimmed? Edging? Digging in? He can do it all and he has indoor tools too! Hand tools, tools that plug in, round tools, sharp tools, he does trim, paints, repairs, revitalizes, and he's yours for four hours a day for an entire year! No job too small. Attention to detail! He'll find the mouse hole, the rabbit hole, the cat box, the silver beaver! He is great with them all. Specify your preference: plumber's butt or discrete coverage! He will even wash his carhartt's for you!

Up to five sales available. Bidding starts at $5000.00 All proceeds to the church. Buyers will have to negotiate which day, Monday through Friday. He gets the weekend off.....

There. Now, that's a real test for The Secret. And gosh, if he manifests and sells... next year we might have more choice!

Music by Over the Rhine

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