I have a problem. Whenever I feel off, or sad, or feel any other negative emotion of that nature, I tend to spend massive amounts of money on useless and/or unnecessary things.

One of my most recent purchases was after finding out that my grandparents were getting divorced, and hearing the whole story of the 45 years worth of events that led up to it. I bought $50 worth of used books, a purse, and a bunch of socks.

I can't imagine having a credit card, being able to just charge my purchases to a piece of plastic, driving me further into debt every time my mood dips too low. Which, considering everything I know about my disposition and mental health, happens far too often for me to ever think of owning such a damnable bit of plastic.

And of course, as with all other addictions, it gives you a certain satisfaction as you're shopping and buying these ridiculous items, but afterward all you feel is a deep sense of regret and guilt. Not all of the time of course, but 90% of the time.

Another recent purchase was on impulse because of a bout of melancholy paired with ill-timed impulse; it was a dress and belt, all for the low, low price of just under $170.

I understand fully that shopping shouldn't be this addictive, but it really is. I get some not-so cheap thrill. I'm materialistic, books and clothes make me happy, whatever.

However, I do realize it's only a temporary happiness and not nearly as fulfilling as seeing my youngest cousin smile when I walk through the door with a book to read to her, or how my cat purrs when I pet him while I read. I hope this means that I can get rid of this terrible habit before I have to start thinking about paying for college on my own.

I chose to buy my happiness on credit
and although I have yet to regret it
I would have liked a bit more courtesy
when they came to repossess it.

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