lost innocence

It just amazes me how the children of this world are being brought up these days. Let me tell you all a little story about what happened while my girlfriend and I were walking our dogs.

Masukomi and I walked to the park and sat at a picnic table, facing out away from the table itself, talking and watching the darkness set in since the sun was gone. We discussed this and that...and our attention turned to children playing in front of us on a broad stretch of concrete, built as the base for a timed fountain. I mentioned something about how children are almost being forced to grow up and mature faster these days, and we debated on that for a bit...then watched as an argument and then a fight broke out between several boys whom had been playing.

These children were aged between the 4th and 5th grades, and every other word out of their mouths was a profanity of some kind...they called each other "fags" and commented that one of the enemy "smelled like shit" and more, far worse things. They threw pine cones at each other, screaming taunts and curses, and their parents stood behind this whole thing, allowing it to go on. One boy was beat up by another, and walked away, only to come back, screaming at the boy who had beat him up, saying things I only expected to hear on a CB radio in a conversation between two angry truck drivers. What happened after were threats on both sides for a fight...throwing of pine cones and more profanity. The boy who had gotten beat up kept prodding for more, even after he had been bested twice...so not only was he weak, but he was a moron. His logic must have been to look tough and suffer the pain of being hurt physically, instead of dealing with the "worse" pain of "running away." In this whole process, our dog, Ebony, was hit twice in the face with pine cones by the moron kid who was aiming for the other boy, while the other just sat on a bench, not doing anything. Only after masu and I getting up and threatening to maim the moron boy if he threw another pine cone even remotely in our direction, did he and his sister stop throwing things and turned and walked back to their parents, cursing loudly as us and the other boy.

Sometimes I just sit and think about these things...and it bothers me how many children lose their innocence and open mindedness so early...and I worry about my future children. It's times like these that make me miss my own long-lost innocence and pray for miracles.

Dusty shafts of sunlight slant into the room. Royal blue carpet, faded now to grey. Smell of mildew in the corners. Air hot and still. Water drips in the rusty bathtub across the hall. The only bathroom in this big, old farmhouse.

She used to wait until she was about to wet her pants, and then try to sneak up the stairs to pee. Did they see her leave? Hope not. Quiet, quiet. Pee, wipe, flush. Oh, that's loud. Quick, out the door and downstairs before anyone can get up here.

Nope, not fast enough. There they are, outside the door. Waiting. Push and pull, into the blue room. She struggles in vain. Quiet, quiet. One after the other - sometimes three, sometimes four. Kisses that bruise, sometimes cut the lips. Pinching, groping tender, young breasts. Grind, grind. No actual penetration, they are only twelve and thirteen or so.

Still, she feels dirty, just the same.

Hands let go; she runs downstairs. Face flushed, Mother asks, "what have you been doing?" Accusing tone - "nothing," is the automatic response.

Mother's eyes say "bad girl", and so she believes it.

Sometimes the girls are waiting outside the door. This time there is penetration. "Might as well get used to it - boys will do this to you when you grow up." And they do.

Now the house sits empty. Mildew, and mouse droppings. Soft weeping in the room with the blue carpet. Lost innocence at 10.