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methamphetamine blunts Occam's razor, Hanlon's too. -myself

The thing with this story that you are about to read, or nuke as the case may be, is that while it may be entertaining, there will also be many things in it that beg for answers. Not questions in particular, at least not direct ones that end with a "?" but just things that are at this time can not be answered by medical science or even myself, at least not definitively.

It was sometime about december in the year 2002 when the drugs began to take hold.

The onset of the mental disorder can be sudden and easily recognizable or slow and creeping. My experience is of the latter variety. I have been cleaning up since I was 14, much like little angela in Jamiroquai's high times, though not via the mainline. I chased the dragon.

It took a long time of chasing to even get close to the dragon, but one day you find yourself speeding so fast you actually fly past the dragon and now the dragon is chasing you, the psychosis begins.

It was just another normal night in my life, better living through chemistry was our motto, still is. This was the latter part of 2002 and though I was not exactly rolling in the dough I always somehow found a way to buy my daily dose. Dinner, or breakfast as I would call it, was just over, time for me to gracefully exit the house before being made to wash the dishes and get with the other junkies in the neghborhood. To us it was dessert. I go to skins, it's a local bar, has made a name for itself, mostly through notoriety and brawls though we heard once that it actually made the papers. From the story that went around, it was heard that some editorial was written about it being a nest of drug addicts and a place where drug deals happened on a daily basis, like a market for narcotics. But I digress, and it will happen again.

Juliet owned the place, in tandem with his cousin Alfa. Both were extremely addicted to methamphetamine, both knew their lives were fucked, both knew how deep in shit their lives have been but it was alright, they had the money, their folks really didn't care. I don't think anybody of us really did. I go there and found out that they already started, not being a mooch, I said goodbye for a while and went out. I don't know what they thought of it, but then again, I don't really care. I go to the alleys near my place, the entrance to the alley is right next to a Mercury, the biggest drug store chain in this 3rd world hell. Mike, my supplier, is more than happy to see me, you see, even if I am a fiend I never pleaded for it, I never asked for a credit line, I never asked for anything if I could not pay for it in cash right there, right then. I bought 400 pesos worth of the shit, Mike even had to get a little from the baggie as he packed them all equally to be sold at 600 pesos. This was not much, probably an equivalent to US$7 in cost, in quantity or quality, I wouldn't really know. I still had a 50 left in my old brown wallet and figured I'd pass by Dondon's, the weed purveyor that I knew lived there, besides it would make sure I did not use the same route going as I did coming I rationalized as I handed over the bill for the teabags.

Walking back to skins, nervous as hell inside but cool as ice outside, the 45 caliber H&K USP that was always with me comforted me with the fact that there was a 230 grain hollow point in the chamber, and anybody stupid enough to get in my way would get that and the dozen others that quietly sat in the magazine.

Michelle, the sister of Juliet was there and was more than happy to see me as I plunked down in front of their bored faces the pile of dope that I had just bought. The usual routine of tin foil being prepared for another chase was begun and in minutes we were again chasing the mighty dragon, this time with a novelty water pipe that resembled a medical device that Michelle made. It had long IV hoses with a mouthpiece and the water pipe was a small container of water with glass tubes coming out of it. You held on to the bubbler and let your hands do the chasing while you comfortably sat down while being served the good stuff. Michelle usually served, she was mother superior, and was called such on account of the length of her habit.

After the chase, Michelle did her typical magic trick of ever so quickly crumpling up our "runway" for the dragon chase and hiding it, while in a brit accent saying; gentlemen, thank you for the drugs. I loaded up Juliet's home made bong with my weed and lit up. Passed it on to Juliet who had one hit and said that my weed sucked and tasted like soil. Being the generous person that she was, out came the secret stash, and more smoking of pot for us two. We were the only ones who mixed our highs, the rest enjoyed just being wired, pffft, lightweights.

And that's when it started, looking back I must have weirded them out a little, gasp, maybe even blew their buzz. As Juliet opened the door of our drug den / bed room to allow the household to have a sense of normalcy and to get her sister Deedee to know that, at the very least, we were done with what we were doing (it was no secret, anyone and everyone who had anything to do with her two siblings were fiends) strange thoughts began to creep into my mind. Now this is not the first time it has happened, but this is the first time that such thoughts made me behave differently. I perceived that the opening of the door was to let in the police to pick me up for being the one to bring in the narcotics to their house. My prints were on everything. I had a carry permit for my firearm but that would not matter, it would be a do or die thing if indeed the cops came. I hurriedly and nervously left, saying, ok guys, I think I have to go home now. Most of them were like, "ok whatever man". Juliet gave me a few joints, I was so paranoid then, that the first thought that came to myself was, okay, so they were not able to call the cops on time, now they made sure that if I got picked up on the streets I'd have something on me instead of the usual glee that I felt inside anytime anybody of these punks gave me free drugs. These people had no motive to do me harm, let alone give me up to the man but the paranoia was too much, I wanted out so I went home.

I would be alright for the next 9 months, perhaps that is how long the next episode had to gestate before it came out.

more to come . . .

Flash forward to April of the year 2003. The misadventure continues.

If you or someone you know has a mental disorder and on top of that also has a drug abuse problem, please, I said please make sure they are never left alone to their devices, especially if said devices mostly go Kaboom! and/or are highly flammable.

The only parental unit I have left goes abroad, my life partner (at least during my life then) also leaves for greener pastures. I am left home alone in a 4 bedroom house, it has two floors and all of the rooms are now drug dens to any of my friends who would like to come over. Juliet's dad passed away sometime a year before and she borrowed most of Michelle's inheritance to buy a car.

So there we were, we had money, we had wheels, we had explosive, we had drugs, lots and lots of drugs.

Perhaps now dear reader you think we are quite lacking in variety, well you probably are right, but you see, we did our best, we tried to get hold of any kind of pharmaceutical assistance to our daily lives, it's just that during that time, coke was not yet available much, acid is still hard to come by nowadays, opium was unheard of then. At least in the circles we went around in, which basically was composed of people quite similar to us or were just following our example. Yeah it was sad, we just went around in circles, happy, high, and crazy circles that we would never forget, and neither would the local law.

My fiancee who left for greener pastures was gonna come back so we could get married and I too would go with her to her country of choice. A few days before she left we went to to Baguio, it is a mountain province town where good cheeba was abundant and cheap. I made a few contacts and it was this contact that was now sitting in front of myself, Juliet , and my weighing scale.

From his bag came out a big bale of the freshest, nicest smelling sensemilla I have ever seen and smelled in my life. My scale's needle did a full 360 and then some, this was more than a thousand grams, we were more than happy to part with the equivalent of about US$50 each (in today's money) for our joint venture to buy the weed, no pun intended.

It was so fresh we had to hang the stalks in my room for a week or so to get it dried out to our satisfaction. My bedroom smelled like a nice forest. To a non fiend, it would be very difficult for me to express how this abundance in readily available drugs makes a fiend feel. I slept like a baby. Of course all this contraband meant that I also had to step up security. All entrances to my house was locked, only a select few could enter. The loaded and chambered pistol was with me everywhere, even when I was in the bathroom, I also got a long arm and fitted it with a scope so I could reach out and touch someone if need be, our property sat on the back part of a 620 odd square meter lot of land and that was a lot of area to protect.

You might not believe this but I did not smoke cigarettes then at least not those that were made of tobacco, but I smoked a lot of other drugs. This probably contributed to the schizophrenia that I would later be diagnosed with, it has been scientifically proven that nicotine can dampen the symptoms of schizophrenia.

But I digress, yet again.

more to come. . .

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