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I was thinking the other day about the naming of drugs, specifically acetaminophen-containing opiate agonists (narcotics to you and me) that are prescribed as painkillers. There's Fioricet, Lorcet, Endocet, Percocet, Roxicet, Darvocet, etc.

I think the drug companies are missing a splendid name for a narcotic painkiller: Marmocet.

I mean, now that drug companies are running TV ads for prescription medications, the advertising possibilities for Marmocet would be endless! The ads could feature a mascot, the Marmocet marmoset, and could be live-action or animated.

For instance, a live-action ad ...

... could feature a sad-looking little marmoset with a bandage. Appropriate music plays in the background (To the tune of 'My Momma Said': "My marmocet there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, my marmocet, marmocet ...").

A bottle of Marmocet rolls onto the scene. He takes a pill, brightens, and starts scampering about, swinging through trees, etc.

An announcer says: "Accidents happen to everyone, and pain comes with them. But with Marmocet, you'll be back in the swing of things in no time! The next time you're in pain, be sure to ask your doctor about Marmocet...."

An animated ad ...

... could feature a cartoon woman with an arm in a cast:

W: "Oh, this really hurts!"

The Marmocet marmoset swings in on a vine with a bottle of candy-colored pills

M: "Don't let that nasty old pain get you down! Try these!"

W: "Okay ... but I'm worried ... I don't want a monkey on my back!"

M: "I'm not really a monkey, and Marmocet's not really addictive, not if you follow your doctor's orders!"

The woman takes a pill, flowers bloom, birds sing, the marmoset hops up on her shoulder and they walk off into the sunset

Announcer: "The next time you're in serious pain, ask your doctor about Marmocet ...."

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