(personal) by gate Tue Jul 10 2018 at 2:11:23
Not good enough. Not used to them. Good at this.

Too good. Too much, too long. All the time. Too automatic. Now too natural, reflexive.

Others too hard to see. One hammer, same hammer, every situation.

Can't change, try to change. A long time. Patience. Not overnight. A slow climb.

Other tools. Learn typing. Learn chopsticks. New approaches, new interfaces.

Help. Can't ask. Never ask. Too strange, too different.

No hammer here, not useful. Can't type, can't get food.

Trying, feels weird, unnatural. Embarrassing. Weak. Push through. Ashamed. Push through. Desperate. Too desperate? Nothing else. Only way. Force it. Asking. Needing. Reaching.

Yes! Someone! Save me!

Relax, focus. Composed. Strength. Fake it. Help! Switching. Need it. Switching. No pity. Return favor.

Useful, be useful, feel useful. Add value, contribute.

Not good. Losing direction, losing point. Other problems. Wrong problems.

Doable, solvable, accomplished. Achievement. Empty. Diversion. Can't return. Lost again. Too automatic. Same hammer. Helping you. Useful again. Worthy.

Still neglected. Avoiding, escaping. Still empty. Still unresolved. Need help. Need to help. Can't ask. Be worthy, be useful. Fool me, delude me, help me. Make hammer useful. Pretend it useful.

Stay focused, on point. No distractions. Resolve problems, focus. No tangents. Don't sidestep, don't avoid. Snap back. Learn typing, learn chopsticks.

Learn. Accomplish. Experience. Future use.

Lost focus. Wrong problems, wrong goals. Return.

Not good enough. Too reflexive. Untrain, retrain, rewire. Tool transform. Bigger tool box. New perspectives, vantage points. New vistas, new interfaces. New approaches. Unstuck. Learn, push. Refocus.

Ask. Help. Ask again. Help me. Shame, weakness, helpless. Shake, shrug, let go. Return, refocus. Needs, wants, no sidetracks.

Tempting, too tempting, hooked in. Careful, stay careful, watchful. Temporary weaknesses, temporary indulgences.

Unhook. Forgive, let go, return. Recenter.

Grateful, thank you. Resist, no deflecting, no redirection.

Admit it. Open. Exposed. Scary, uncomfortable, uneasy. Hold. Stay. Save it. Strong, planted, steadfast. No closing, anxious, uncomfortable. Push through. Strength, power. Push through. Stay open. Push through. Rest. Break. Rest, relax.

Small indulgence. Feel useful, grab, take, replenish, return. Recenter. No shame. Banish, forget, push beyond.

New tools. New toolbox. Adding, learning. Accept help, accept weakness, accept shame. Move beyond. Heal. Learn more. New interface. Bigger. New reactions, new modes. Regrow, reintegrate, reformat. Better. Improve.

Smaller hammer. Add more. Bigger collection. New skills. New interactions, better interactions.

Redefine. Reborn. Re-emerge. Escape, return, reconquer. No fear, go forward.

Remember. Appreciate. Marvel.
I like it! 2 C!s

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