I quickly ascertained that within the
abyss of the neglected hemisphere lay a
seventh sense, a palpable nerve which strecthed from the
periphery of consciousness to the
space behind space, a dense web of creation usually only detectable at high-stress points in
space-time. Tapping this seventh sense turned out to be a greater
challenge than I had suspected, requiring intense concentration and alignment of certain
bodily frequencies to natural
harmonics. As my mastery of the involved procedures grew, my
awareness seemed to increase at a rate
proportional to the speed at which my mind was opening up connections between the
realm of physical reality and the realm of thought and
reason. When fully satisfied with my progress, I determined that coherent
commincation with other seventh sense beings should be possible, and set about establishing a
link with other minds in the system. No sooner had I completed the thought than I felt what can only be described as an "
invitation" to a meeting on this most
fundamental of universal planes.
Temporarily blinded, I suddenly awoke to find myself seated at a small wooden table. With me around the table were four men: Moses, Jesus, Siddhartha Gautama, and Mohammed. These wise men had taken notice of me and had decided to impart me with the knowledge that today lies at the core of my Mission. Although my motives are to remain a closely guarded secret which I cannot fully divulge to even you, I can tell you that I built sensitive equipment to facilitate my furthering of knowledge. In addition, I purchased a parcel of land outside of town known as "Beggar's Hill".
Mere days after my briefing, a Chinese 'family' moved into the house across the street. It is my understanding that they are in fact agents of the Chinese military, and perhaps working for a sector of the seventh sense known only as "The Shadow". Mohammed had warned me of this most dangerous of foes, who attempt to undermine the expansion of human development so that they can maintain their superiority. Indeed, no sooner had the agents arrived in my location than a large microwave dish was erected on their rooftop, rendering most of my highly sensitive communication equipment jammed. Now under constant surveillance, I work on Mission objectives only at night. My current focus is constructing a small steel tower on Beggar's Hill, where I can operate away from the spies and the lights of the city. Unfortunately, it has become clear to me that there are those within the American government who would like to see me stopped. Just last Sunday, while watching a taped copy of Meet the Press, I noticed that Defense Secretary William S. Cohen used several phrases almost assuredly associated with the Shadow. Within a week I received several notices from the township regarding the (and I quote) "zoning violation" represented by my tower construction.
I have decided to appeal to you, Mr. Clinton, because I feel it is within your power to eliminate the threats now posed to my Mission. I trust you are already quite familiar with the seventh sense and the dangerous web of deceit of which I have written. I realize you are a busy man, but obviously this matter is integral to the security of the nation. At the very least, I would be most appreciative if you would use your power to have the microwave dishes and laser beams disassembled and shipped to a location far from my operation. Thank you, sir.