there is a sound that hurts.
it's a screech that can bring me to my knees.
it makes me want to
scream but i've already lost control of
my body.
there is the taste of copper heavy in my mouth.
i see sounds and hear colours and smell feelings.
then
the world goes checkerboard.
then
dead dark.
i cannot see and i cannot hear and i cannot feel.
i can still
think --
for a moment, anyway.
oh no, it's happening again.
why here? why now?
the sound hurts. make it go away.
is my
soul leaving my body?
is this
death?
am i being
punished?
will i wake up?
then
nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
"are you okay? can you hear me?"
"stay still. it's okay."
in the
blink of an
eye i have lived through five minutes without experiencing time.
time that i can't remember
and can't get back.
just leave me alone. i am so tired.
my muscles ache and my jaw is so sore.
did i hit my head on something? it hurts.
i still hear the screech.
like a train trying to stop on a dime.
but it's getting quieter.
go away, i don't want you to see me like this.
like a
baby, i wet myself.
you utter words of understanding.
but you CAN'T
understand
and deep down you're glad it's not you
peeing on yourself.
your words are appreciated,
but really -- just let me be.
i'll be okay in an hour.
if i said i was a
freak, you'd say no i'm not.
but i am.
there is a
lightning storm in my head
that sometimes allows me to see the world
from a
unique perspective.
it hurts --
but every
gift has a price.
the power that created the
universe
put this in my head.
to make me
different than you.