I can't cum.
I've exhausted the batteries in my Pocket Rocket. I just don't have the energy or desire at this point to even tease myself mercilessly with a dildo.
I've exhausted my usual list of fantasies: watching two men, being used by two men, me and other women, bondage, boys asses, exhibitionism, pain, piss, piercings, and rape fantasies. I've flashed through erotic and tantalizing images of lovers past and present. My mind has stared into their eyes, felt their tongues, kisses, embraces, gropes, and penetration. Tasted them, smelled them, been submissive to them, been dominant to them. Thought about the one night stand with a butchy scorpio girl from AOL. Daisy and my strap-on in the park. The cumshots, experimentation, teasing, and entanglements.
I've thought of nothing. I've tried to focus on the sensation. I've tried to not focus on the sensation. I've held my breath until I involuntarily exhaled.
Then I treaded darker waters and broke out the deeper, darker fantasies that gross me out half the time, and send raging blood straight to my clit the rest. I'll let you wonder what those are for now. I'm not ready to show you just how much of a sick fuck I really am (and you thought I've been putting on a show for you and your votes all this time? Har. My sexuality is a huge part of me at all times. I'm a genuine pervert). But anyway, hadn't thought about one of them in a while...perused some related pr0n...a surge, indeed. But not enough to throw me over the edge.
Went back to step one, written erotica. Read a nice little tale about two boarding school girls. Mmmm....that got me going...Missed the orgasm though. Ever happen to you? One minute you're teetering on that edge, the next minute it's sensory overload. Did I black out? Did I miss it? Hello? Is this thing on?
It's been weeks now since I've had a rockin' orgasm, and I know it's not from lack of good mental, visual, or physical stimuli. Funnytoes has it right above. I do have other things on my mind contributing towards feeling distressed. So, if finding a job will give me my gasm-magiK-iZm back, hot damn, work me hard. ;)
*sigh* In the meantime...the greatest orgasms I've had were among the first I ever had in my life. Perhaps I shall return to the ways of my youth, just for tonight. But oh, the tease hurts. Wish me luck.
Update: Saturday March 31st, 2001 saw the rise of a grand 'gasm. Doesn't mean they're back in full force yet...but mmmm....relief. :)