Sleeping through disasters

Ok. Here's the deal, a couple of months ago, I was at one of my friends dorms at NYU in New York city. It had happened to be a "party night" and I was invited to attend. My friends have this reputation in the dorm as being the heavy partiers and of course this night was no exception having 5 cases of beer and 4 bottles of gin I was sure that this night was one that I would never remember. At about 3 in the morning I could say that I passed out, only to wake up to an environment of chaos and mayhem. I found out in about thirty seconds that A. My friend had been arrested, and B. there had been a large fire in the room right next to mine. My friend had met this nice girl that night and decided to seduce her with music, alcohol and candles.(candles are illegal in dorms)While he was umm, "dancing" with this sweet young girl he had flung the sheets of his bed onto the lit candles which I forgot to mention were on the floor of the room next to the CURTAINS. So, anyway, the sheets caught fire, then the curtains, then the bed, and then everything else in the room and they both ran naked into the hallways of the dorm.

Not only that but they had not pulled the fire alarm to allert anybody to by the time the authorities arrived it could have been compared to one of those forrest flash fires. My friend was arrested that morning on the charges of arson and some kind of endangerment. In the end he spent three days in jail and was kicked out of the dorm permanently.To make things even weirder, I found out that at the same time, in a different dorm, a girl had found a rotting fetus in her closet. It's amazing what a person can sleep through dont you think?.....

I visit an old guy, as an act of community service, who is around 80 years old and has had 13 heart attacks. It is amazing that this man is still alive, and it is simply incredible that he still does gardening and other physical activities all day.

Perhaps it is because every morning he wakes up feeling awful, reaches for his bed-side table, opens the drawer and gives himself like, a million different pills, and then gives himself the same ones in the afternoon. Whatever he does, it seems to work.

His most recent heart attack occured in September 2000. He woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible pain in his chest. To quote him: "it was really uncomfortable". He could barely move, so he reached for his drawer-which he is only allowed to touch at the specific times-and gave himself a good dose of whatever he has in there. Feeling much better, he went back to sleep.

The next day was his weekly check-up, so off to the doctor's office he went. As the doctor listened to his irregular heart beats, he looked up and asked if anything strange had happened recently. The old guy thought for a bit, then decided to tell the doctor about the event of the previous night, describing the pain and it's location. The doctor stared, open-mouthed.

"Clarence" said the doctor. "You've just had a heart attack."

There was a little pause in the conversation. Finally Clarence looked up and said: "Eh?"