some rules of comportment for young gentlemen

- Never attempt stairs with a pipe clenched between the teeth;
- Trust your dog;
- Carry some sort of stick;
- Do not picnic near geese;
- Servants are like family, but more loyal and polite;
- Noble character should be covered immediately with Gold, in order to facilitate the theft of both;
- Remember the names of children, or at least their number and distribution;
- There is never too much drink inside a building;
- Names change; Remember footwear;
- It is not as unlucky to walk under ladders as it is to insult the men who work on them;
- Gentlemen never climb on ladders except in an emergency; In this event, the hands are used to lift as well as steady the climber;
- When the ploughman plods home his weary way, leave him alone;
- If the table setting is egregiously elaborate, use the wrong cutlery; If a guest at your table uses the wrong cutlery, do the same;
- The sea is a country, eventually;
- Your valet knows all; Be sure to send something home to his mother;
- When in the presence of greatness, carry a hat;
- Tolerate at least one large terrifying poacher;
- Poachers make superior Gamekeepers;
- The sun is always over the yard-arm somewhere (and a rogue beneath);
- Do not exchange amusing stories with your tailor;
- Raked gravel is a security system;
- Topiary hedges are a vaccination against the Devil;
- Pistols are only carried the morning after cards;
- Your chickens feed your falcon;
- Dry stone walls are complicated; Have someone competent attend;
- Yes, she probably is; Try to think about something else;
- The only place in which it is safe to get beastly drunk is your own house;
- The policeman is not your friend;
- Soldiers can be trusted with your liquor; Officers cannot;
- Reward the man who services your motorcar well;
- Anyone who is nice to you, but rude to a servant, is not nice.

Copyright Peter Heerdegen © 2007.