i lifted the sprite to my lips, but stopped before i took a sip. my fingers were wrapped loosely over half way around the can, and i suddenly felt so terribly..
old. i'm not, of course, though i have been wandering around the universe for some time now. on most accounts, and from most perspectives, i'm not that old at all. this can seems so tiny now, i remember having trouble holding such things at all,
i remember when i needed both hands just to hold a cup of juice. and now.. everything i touch seems so fragile and delicate, even when i know that it isn't. sometimes i just want to stand outside and lean against the bricks that make up these walls around me, or try to
wrap my arms around a huge maple, just to know that they exist. things that i couldn't crush if i wanted to, things that are bigger than i'll ever be..
humans are
tiny, in my eyes, so small. we're all fragile, weak, and there is not much to keep us from a hasty departure from this world, from being crushed by the sheer enormity of it all. (
i realize i've said this before, but for some reason,
it saddens me today.)
i feel distant.. but not from now, more from certain pieces of
lost time, and it really is sort of distant at this point.
everything is obscured. it's as if it were just yesterday that i fell in the
mud puddle on my first day of kindergarten, but the feeling of being not old enough to do so much, that is..
gone. i can do anything i've ever wanted to but couldn't, at least
where age is concerned.. but still, it seems as though i can do nothing. i feel so young, inexperienced, and so awfully old all at once.
i suppose that the reason
i like to place my hand in someone else's, is to feel the same as i once did, when i was merely a little child. a closeness, almost a protection,
holding hands and.. i am never alone then, and nothing is too tiny, or too overwhelming.
i won't miss having
such small hands, so long as i am able to feel your fingers beautifully tangled with mine.