Back in 2005 I read a news story about a guy from Romania who was in jail doing 20 years for murder and decided to sue God because, he says, his baptism was a contract with God to keep him out of trouble and now that he's in jail for murder it's obvious that God breached the contract and let him fall into the devil's hands.

The court said they couldn't pursue the suit because they have no way to subpoena God.

The man, who the media called Pavel M., filed the following complaint:

I, the undersigned Pavel M, currently jailed at Timisoara Penitentiary serving a 20 years sentence for murder, request legal action against God, resident in Heaven, and represented here by the Romanian Orthodox Church, for committing the following crimes: cheating, concealment, abuse against people's interest, taking bribe and traffic of influence.
God even claimed and received from me various goods and prayers in exchange for forgiveness and the promise that I would be rid of problems and have a better life. But on the contrary I was left in the Devil's hands.
The guy is a obviously a crackpot, but I can't agree with the court's decision to not try the case. The fact that you can't subpoena God shouldn't put an end to it. Give the subpoena to the Pope. He speaks for God, doesn't he? Does he speak for the God of the Romanian Orthodox Church? Maybe not, but I'm sure they have a leader somewhere (please excuse my ignorance, Romanians).

When you break the law and go to court the suit states the parties to the case. There's you, the alleged bad guy, versus the country or the head of state. How does the court subpoena a country? They don't. They appoint a representative and they hire an attorney. So, appoint a representative for God and let's see where this case leads.

Pavel should call in his minister or whoever ran the church he attended. The minister didn't have a problem speaking for God when he was making those sermons - now it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

And what happens if the guy wins and God is found guilty of breach of contract? Well obviously we can't jail God, just like you can't jail a country. So you hit him/her/it in the pocketbook. The Vatican Bank has lots of money. If he's not Catholic, make the other members of his religion pay. Obviously they're not praying hard enough because their God failed one of them, right?

I'd like to see someone really make a go of a case like this. In general I think religion is pretty silly and anytime it can be used to make people chase their own tails for my amusement, I say go for it.


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