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Toner's a cool scam, but then, they all are. I swore I'd never do it again. Ever. Ever ever ever. But once you've done telephone sales, and once the money starts to get tight, you'll go back to it, as sure as a coke slut runs back to her masochistic boyfriend when she needs her fix. She swears she'll never go back either. Salesmen and cokesluts make very good liars, even to themselves. Maybe especially to themselves.

I've met many a person in phone rooms across this land. People from all walks of life, people from close to home, people from far away nations. Alcoholics, pot smokers, coke head base addicts, and heroin junkies. I must have tried every drug known to man in my few illuminating years in the rooms. I had good times and I met some good people. I was going to change the names to protect the innocent in this story, but since they're are none, I won't bother.

I don't know why I chose that particular ad in the sales help wanted section. Perhaps I do. I knew I had the job before I even went on the interview. That's how it is in sales, especially on the phones. Once you've been a part of the madness, it's easier then you think to get back into it. But if you think the Mafia's tough to get out of once you're in, think again. They can't hold a match to us. Once you're into this game, it's for life baby.

When my dad dropped me off at the front door on my first day, I came so close to just bailing and going to the beach. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the birds chirping. Not the kind of day to be stuck in some office. I should have turned around and just kept walking. I should have, but I didn't.

The first thing I noticed was how clean the room was. Not referring to it's lack of litter, but rather to it's lack of narcotic supplies and paraphernalia. I knew it could only be a cover. It was, as I quickly found out.

The people were friendly. Most neurotics are, believe it or not. I fell into the groove pretty quickly. I made my coin, spun my doob. The weekly Friday night ritual became second nature to me. Friday's ended at 3:30, leaving us at the bar before 4:00. The Elephant and Castle, Shenanigans, anywhere, it didn't matter.

Actually, it was Shenanigans where it all started for me. Oh, don't get me wrong, it started the minute I went into the office instead of beaching it, but my introduction back into the Game began there. It was two Fridays ago. We were all pretty tanked. It was payday, so you can appreciate what I'm trying to say.

But wait. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. I suppose to get a handle on what's going on, I should give you some little tid-bits about the co-stars of this show. There's me, Lisa and Jeff, (sorry Jeff, Jeff and Lisa); God and his wife (as they've become known as. I know that there's some complex involved with thinking that you're God, but I don't remember what it's called, and anyways, it's easier to just agree with Jeff than to argue), Deb; who hasn't gotten laid in five months (I know this may sound like a sarcastic or crass comment, but believe me, it does have relevance to the story), Terezia; seventeen, tight, sexy, and dangerous (to my sanity and Jeff and Lisa's relationship), and a few others that as the story unfolds, will come out from behind the curtain.

So there we were at Shenanigans, getting tanked. My eyes followed Terezia to the bathroom, which soon made me realize how badly I had to go myself. As I walked down the hallway to the bathrooms, I was stopped in the hall by Terezia who was finished and was now returning to the table. She threw me some line about how all the girls were talking about how good it was to finally have a good looking salesman working at the office at last (referring to me).

I've got to admit, it had been a while since I'd had a compliment given to me, (even from someone drunk), and it went straight to my heads. I went to the bathroom, took my wizz, and went back to the table. It was a nice compliment, but with all the booze speaking for itself in the bar that day, I took the line as nothing more then that.

After a while we left and made our way back to Jeff's. This seemed to be the norm. We stopped off at the beer and wine store on the way and filled up on our supplies. Herb was already with us so we were okay on that. (Yes, Herb is another word for pot, in case that one went passed you).

Anyways, impossibly trying to make a long story short, we got more tanked, partied at the beach, and finally ended up back at Jeff's house. By the time three o'clock rolled around, there were only a few of us still standing. Lisa, Terezia, Erwin and me (I didn't mention Erwin before because he's really not that important to the story, but he was there, so I'll give him that much). Somehow the talk got on to how badly we all needed massages. Well..

The next thing I realize, Erwin's doing Lisa's back, I'm on Terezia (well no, not really on her, but doing her back. Actually, she was on me). Two things happened then; Erwin hit on Lisa, which kind of freaked her out, and she went to bed, and two, Terezia fell asleep lying on my lap as I sat on a chair.

It wasn't the most comfortable position, but there was no way in hell I was moving her off me, I liked her right where she was. Pointless to say that I didn't get much sleep that night, and neither did my little sidekick (yes, I mean my dick). It was so hard to resist touching her, and after a while she grabbed my hand and helped it find it's way between her thighs.

Now let me just say here that out of all the salesmen around here, I'm probably the most decent (or maybe it's just self conscious), so I couldn't exactly finish what I'd started right there in Jeff and Lisa's living room, especially with Erwin sleeping right beside us. She thanked me for the services I was able to perform, and we agreed that we'd continue where we'd left off as soon as we could.

Well, as soon as we could turned out to be a few days later. I invited her over to my house, and we went to my room. For almost two hours, every time I tried, I just couldn't touch her. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was her age that was bothering me. For Christ's sake, she was only 17. I told her the truth. I don't know if it insulted her, or what, but she decided to give me a twenty minute lecture on how age isn't important and blah blah blah...

I decided that the only way to shut her up was to shove my tongue down her throat, which I did, and it did. Before long we were (as Jeff and Lisa like to put it), doing the 'Nasty'. It was cool, and she was great and all, but after a while I just kind of felt that she wasn't all there. So I stopped. I asked her what was wrong, and she finally told me that she really hot for Jeff, and that they'd had sex together the week before, on Jeff's living room floor on a Friday night when Lisa had passed out early, and that while we were having sex, she was thinking about him.

Now, if this were any other situation in my life, I probably would have gotten upset, but for some reason, I didn't. I told her it was cool, if she wanted to think about Jeff while we were fucking, it was all right by me. It really didn't bother me. I think I'm getting older, maybe just colder. She told me that the sex was cool, but sorry about the rest. That was cool. She told me that if she had never met Jeff, things probably would have gone great with the two of us. That was cool too. I didn't know exactly where that left me, or us, if you will, but I figured that in due time, the cards would unfold on their own.

Life went on. Deb's birthday was coming up and (here's the part where I said her sex life was relevant), Lisa decided to give her Jeff for the evening as a present. All seemed cool (if you can call an arrangment like that cool), but at the last minute, Deb changed her mind. Jeff was probably disappointed, but considering that he had Lisa and Terezia after him, I didn't think he was doing too bad. (Well, Lisa wasn't exactly chasing after him, she was just trying to save her relationship).

This Friday, I had to meet them all at the bar because I had some other things to do first. When I got there, everyone was there except for Lisa. Jeff turned to me and asked why the hell I was with them at the bar when he told his old lady to go home and wait for me to do the Nasty with her for Her birthday]. He said he wanted to watch, but that he had quickly changed his mind.

I took me by surprise, I didn't really know what he was getting at, but I took it as a joke. I asked him if it was okay if I got drunk first. He said sure. We ended up going back to Jeff's (like always). We decided to go for a swim, and we all went except for Jeff and Terezia, both apparently didn't feel up to swimming.

Downstairs at the pool, Lisa turned to me and said "Jeff's taking a piece off Terezia right now", I didn't know what to say. I knew it was true, she knew it was true, and it was true. It pissed me off a little that she was with him instead of me, and to top it all off, he was offering me his girlfriend for the night, as if to make it up to us for getting Terezia, and for cheating on Lisa.

She's a very nice girl, and it's not like I wouldn't want to, but I'm just not like that. He is, I'm not. And I really don't think that Lisa is either, even though she talks and jokes. She asked me if it was okay if she took advantage of me if I were ever extremely drunk. I said sure.

Well, we got back to the apartment, just in time for Jeff to practically fly from one end of the living room (the side that Terezia was on), to the other (where she wasn't)]. With that over, Jeff quickly finished off his Friday night ritual by passing out on the living room floor.

By this time there was only four of us still coherent, so we decided to go down to the beach. It was me, Max, Lisa and Terezia. We waited at a crosswalk for the light to change, and when it did I told Terezia to come, and she told me that she would, but she's really quiet when she does (this is true). And then added in as an after thought, 'well, at least that's what Jeff says'. She said it to me, but I'm pretty sure that Lisa heard every word. And I'm even more sure that it's exactly what Terezia wanted. How Lisa doesn't just pound the shit out of her, I can't understand.

Terezia seemed to ignore me for most of the night, and Jeff being asleep didn't change that fact. So I ignored her. I spent most of the night in Lisa's room (no, we didn't do anything), shooting the shit. Everyone eventually crashed, and I went back in the living room to find Terezia sleeping on Jeff's shoulder on the living room floor, cuddling to him.

Jeff woke up at around 4:00, I was the only one still awake. He looked at Terezia curled up beside him, looked at me, told me that 'this girl was going to get me into trouble', and asked if Lisa had seen them on the floor together. I said no, and he kind of seemed relieved, but not as much as someone who would have cared one way or the other.

I was able to get the part about Terezia wanting Jeff, even over me, but to be doing what she was doing with Lisa right in the next room was a little more then I could take. God, (not Jeff, but the real one), weren't there any normal people left in this world?

I spent a lot of time thinking about shit that night. And I came to some conclusions. Jeff really didn't want to bring Lisa out here from Toronto when he came, but he loves her and couldn't break it off with her then. He wants Terezia, and she wants him. He can't leave Lisa, but figures that he can get her to leave him. He figures that the only was to get Lisa to dump him, is if he does something so bad that she has no choice but to leave him, or else lose a lot of face (non-sexual), and that's something that most Toronto girls can't do.

Lisa wants me, not to spend the rest of her life with, but she does enjoy my company. She wants Jeff to love her again, but I don't think he will. He wants her to leave him so he can do it with Terezia, free of guilt. And I guess that he figures that if she can have me, it will make it that much easier for him to break it off with her, and get Terezia. Or have something to use against her. The only problem is that I don't think that he really wants Terezia as much as he or she thinks, but rather looks at her as a means of escaping Lisa.

The only thing I find fucked up, is that I really started to like Terezia, and wouldn't have minded spending some time with her, but now, even if she decided that she'd rather be with me over Jeff, I don't know if I could do it. After watching what she's doing to Lisa (indirectly, by what she's doing to Jeff directly), she makes me feel even more confused with the whole female race.

I also like Lisa, not in the same way, but I've really started to feel for her lately. I hate what Jeff is doing to her, but yet, I still like him. I like Terezia, but I don't know how much I agree with what she's doing. I don't know if I could seriously go out with her, even if she wanted. If she doesn't mind Jeff doing it to Lisa, would she mind doing it to me? It's this moral thing again, (yeah right, you try battling morals with alcohol and see who wins), but anyways you know what I mean. I'd consider hard about having a relationship with her, but I'd go for the sex thing again, why not?

Like I said, I should have just gone to the beach that day. I never would have met any of them, and I'd still have my sanity. Now I don't know what I have. I don't have Terezia, which might a good thing considering the fact that I don't know if I want her. I don't have Lisa, even if she was single, I don't know if I'd want her.

I lost my sanity a few nights ago, sitting quietly alone in a chair watching the girl of my wet dreams and a good friend of mine fuck around on the floor in front of me. I feel weird with all of us being in the same room together now, but I still enjoy their company.


Well, it's been a few more beer,
and many more joints, Lisa still wants me,
and Jeff scored more points.
I continue this now, from where I was before,
for those still interested, I'll tell you some more.

This silly rhyme was brought to you by Office Copy Supplies. And now back to our main feature).

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.....

Well, I had Terezia over at my place tonight. Well, actually, I didn't. Wanted to, but didn't. Probably could have. But didn't. I'm not saying she didn't come over, just didn't have her. She really wants Jeff. I could pull the ol' sales pitch on her, but I won't. I will not be manipulative. I will not be manipulative. I will not be manipulative....(But God, it's so hard. Not to not be manipulative, but to not be, ah, let's say persuasive? I'm not saying that I could persuade her to forget about him, but I could probably get her to at least think about me sometimes. I'm kind of starting to feel like Jeff's hand-me-down.

So, the new big news is Todd (big Todd, not me I'm just the little guy; translation; I'm the one with less money.) and Deb are goin' hot and heavy. Looks like Jeff rejecting her was just too much. The poor girl just snapped. But this one seems to actually be a secret.

That's what me and Terezia can't figure out. This whole thing between her and Jeff is supposed to be kept secret, apparently to hide it from Lisa, but she already knows. She won't admit it, but she knows. The only people who don't know are the leads people, and they never last long enough to get on the gossip insurance policy the office has anyways. This new sales guy started there, we took him out one Friday, and he never came back again. I wonder why?

Hey Terezia, how many red Smarties are in a box? (If you're anyone but her, this question probably went right passed you. Don't worry, you'll get used to it). Just remember, the purple ones are sweet too (especially the ones with green eyes).

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we think that Vic wants Jeff too. We know that Sted does (I never mentioned Sted before. He and Cathy, his girlfriend also work there), and Jeff said that if he ever did swing that way, Sted would be his first.

Terezia came up with a good idea. Her, me, Jeff, and Lisa get a place together. With one huge bed (well, to be honest, the big bed thing is my idea, the house is hers). Kind of like Fours Company from Hell. I can't believe I get myself into these things.

I want to know, if I feel that it's morally wrong to sleep with Lisa because she's still technically Jeff's mate, is it morally wrong to sleep with Jeff's lover? I would, but she says that it would fuck her up too much. I don't know if she's serious, or it's just her way of taming the animals, but why would she lie? She could just as easily tell me no because she has no interest in me. I love the Toner world, it's so bizarre, you're never bored, not for a second.

I suppose at this point in time I should explain what toner is, for those of you who aren't like us. Then again, you have to be somewhat like us or you would have stopped reading pages ago,(unless you're one of my friends and are reading it just to amuse me), but for those who know not what toner is, I shall tell you.

Well, as one dim secretary I sold some to put it, it's those "little tuby-things" that go inside your photocopier to make it go. Ink cartridges. Anyways, what we do, is call you up pretending to be your ordinary supplier calling to inform you of an upcoming price increase and that you'd better take a case now, at the old price. Except the old price is really ten times what it's worth. Fraud? I think not. Scam? Prove it! Immoral? Well........Yeah, sort of. But hey, life moves on (as do most secretaries who make the mistake of saying 'yes' to us).

That's it. That's what we do. That's who we are. Todd wants to have an office party on a boat. I can see it now; we all get drunk, sink the ship, and everyone drowns except for the four of us (if you don't know by now that the four of us means Lisa, Jeff, me and Terezia, where the Hell have you been?), and we find our way to a deserted island, and it becomes like Gilligan's Island. Except toner style. Or even better, this whole thing breaks loose, and we all end up in the same asylum together.


Well......Went to 'the house' yesterday. Lisa's grandfather died and when I asked her if there was anything I could do, she told me to come over (actually, come was the operative word). I got there before Jeff got there. Vic and Layna were there. Jeff got home about a half-hour later.

We partied for a while. Jeff brought up the fact that he really enjoyed himself the other night when he went out for a beer by himself. He liked the fact that he went out alone. Except for the fact that he went to Terezia's house and fucked her brains out. I'd say he enjoyed himself.

Anyways, (I seem to say that quite a bit, don't I?), Jeff decided that he wanted to go out for a beer. Everyone wanted to go except for Lisa (I know this sounds familiar, kind of like the swimming thing of the week before, but her grand-dad just died, and she really didn't want to, at least that's what she said). I didn't have money, but Layna told me she'd buy me a beer. Twice I tried to leave, but Lisa wouldn't let me (I'm not saying that she pulled her bat on me or anything, but she kept asking me to stay). I stayed.

The first thing she said to me when we were alone was 'don't worry, I won't try to rape you'. I told her not to worry. We kind of joked around about it, (the sex thing), but we didn't do anything. Sorry Terezia. Sorry Jeff. Sorry Lisa. It's these damn morals! They'll be the end of me (only the good die young). I did however, find myself making some, how shall we say, unfair remarks. That's to say, I kind of (no! I didn't lead her on, but...), sort of, like I said, joked about it.

Sorry, you have to understand, all this is pretty flattering. It's the same thing when I told Terezia that I'd stop bugging her, and she told me not to worry. She likes it too, whether she's interested in me or not.

(As an after note to that; Jeff just called me to get some doobage, and at the same time Terezia called me to find out if I wanted to do something tonight. Needless to say I blew Jeff off real quick and told her yes. Actually, I told Jeff that I had a young, sexy blond on the other line and is it okay if I take her from him. He said yeah sure, but I don't know which way he meant it, and I don't think he knew which way I meant it. Like last night when he was talking about how much he enjoyed his beer out alone, looking at me, I still don't think he realises that I knew.

This is fun, but maybe one day, everyone will know what the hell everybody else is talking about. And those of us who do know everything, can stop playing the game. I think the reason I'm having such a weird time dealing with this is that no one wants to kill anyone else. Were all so nice to each other it's sick! We party together, get wasted together, and try to exchange partners together.

I've been a recluse for so long now because of all the games that used to go on back home. It's the reason that I left. But those games were dangerous. At least nobody here has a bullet with their name written on the side of it. I like it, I just can't understand it.


Terezia just left. God (no, not Jeff), I think I might be starting to get a little.....no never mind. I can't think about her. I can't. I didn't finally get over Andrea to get myself fucked up over someone that doesn't even want me. I'm starting to get a little confused. Just a little.

I tried all night to sleep with her, but she wouldn't. Not because she'd feel guilty, but more because, (or so she says), that if she does, she'll start thinking about me more than she should, and adding that pressure on to her already existing problem would be too much. In a way I agree with her. But it would be so nice to have someone to care for again, it's been so long.

I had her handcuffed to my bed, twice, but I was a fucken gentlemen. But shit, respect is worth more than sex anyways. But tonight I saw a side of me that I haven't seen in a long time. The 'other' side. He was out and he still didn't take advantage of the handcuffs. She even told me that if I really pushed her, I could. But having her regret it for the next two weeks wouldn't be worth the orgasm (and let me tell you, whoever the hell you are, with her it's a fucken major orgasm!).

I'm so nice it's sickening. Jeff keeps saying that it's amazing how much of a fucken genius he is (and, looking at his situation with Terezia and Lisa, I'd have to agree with him). If he's a fucken genius, then I'm a fucken hell of a nice guy. Unfortunately, nice guys do finish last (sorry for the cliche, I hate cliches).

Terezia said she's giving Jeff eight more Fridays to get his shit together. I'm giving him four. After that, if it's still this game shit, then no more mr. nice guy. I'm going for what I want, handcuffs or not. (Well, what I think I want. I know that I want to want, but right now I won't let myself simply want).

What else can I say? I'm supposed to do the Ren and Stimpy tomorrow. I don't know if Terezia will be there or not, we'll see tomorrow. I'd really like to have a private talk with Jeff sometime this weekend. I probably won't do it, but I'd like to. Just tell him to cut the shit, with me anyways. Does he really plan to leave Lisa? Go with Terezia? Lead both of them on forever? Or stay with Lisa forever? It has to be one of the above, I'd just love to ask him which one it is. I'd love to know which one it is. I'm sure I already do, but I'd love to know what he'd tell me.

There once was a guy who sold toner
who met Terezia and wanted to bone her
he got her drunk one night
she didn't put up much of a fight
and he found out that she was a silent moaner.
(at least Jeff says so)

Okay, I know I've passed my writing limit when I start writing limericks, and I seem to be in a slightly bitter mood anyways (I think it's one of the symptoms of blue balls). So until next time, this is Powdered Toast Man signing off.


This is getting to be too much. I called the office today to say hi, (it was Ren and Stimpy night). Lisa told me that her and Jeff had broken up. I went to meet them anyways. I went to the office, spoke to Terezia for a few minutes, and me, Jeff and Lisa left.

On the way back to the apartment, they got into a fight. I asked them if I should bail, but they said no. When we got to the apartment, they had another fight and Lisa split. On the word of Layna, I went after her. We walked around Stanley Park for a while talking, and finally ended up at a coffee shop to sit and talk.

She told me that I had no excuse for not sleeping with her now that she was single. I joked around with her about the sex trip for a while, but not seriously. (Now I know how Terezia feels when she says she doesn't mind when I flirt with her even though she wants Jeff).

While We were there, I went to the bathroom and then called Jeff to tell him that she was okay and everything. I also asked him a few questions about what was going on in his mind. It was just a brief conversation (which we said we'd finish in person at a later time), but from what he told me, Terezia's in for a big disappointment. Or he lied to me, I'm not sure. But for what purpose he'd have to lie to me, I don't know.

I'm not sure if he knows that I slept with Terezia or not, he was drunk when she told him, but if he does know, or even if he doesn't, if he wanted to be with her, he'd have told me, just so as to let me know to back off. But he said that the reason he left her was to have his freedom, not Terezia. I'll find out more about that tomorrow.

When we got back to the apartment, Jeff was alone. We did a few bottle tokes, and I called home. My dad said that Terezia called, so I called her back. She asked me to come over to her place. I felt that I should have been going anyways, so I said sure. She wants me to find out things from Jeff, and report back to her. I didn't tell her what Jeff said to me on the phone, so I don't think I'll tell her anything about what happens when I do speak to him tomorrow.

I hate this position I'm getting myself into. I'm starting to like her more and more every day. And every day she falls more and more for Jeff. I said earlier that I felt there was nothing wrong with trying to seduce Terezia, but now that Jeff is single, I'm not so sure. But if he's just playing with her mind, that's not fair either. She says that he talks to her about the two of them getting together, but he's always drunk when they talk, and guys will say anything to a girl to get her in bed (especially when they can't even see straight). If he's leading her on, it's not fair to her or me.


We made it clear that it was, and will be nothing more than sex, but each of us thinks that the other one wants more. But I think I've gotten ahead of myself again. Let's go back to where the story left off last time.

I met all of them at Fogg and Sudds. All of them is; Jeff, Lisa, Terezia, Erwin, Shauna, Melissa, Julie, Cathy, Sted, Nathan, Nathan, Mike, Deb, Vic, Layna, George, and me. (There might have been more, but my brain isn't working yet).

We got drunk, bought our doodage, and had a pretty good time. Jeff and I ended up in the bathroom talking about shit. I asked him if I should lay off Terezia, and he said no. He said he wants to fuck her, but that's it. He said he also wants to fuck Lisa once in a while too. Then he told me that I should definitely go for Lisa.

He said it would be the best sex of my life (which it was). I finally know what I've been doing wrong all these years when it comes to sex. I've been sleeping with girls instead of women!

Think of all the time I've wasted. I agreed with Lisa not to talk about it. Not to turn it into gossip. So I won't. I will say however, that it was incredible. Definitely the The best tuna fish sandwich I've ever had |best sex I've ever had.

Lisa really doesn't know that anything actually happened with Jeff and Terezia. When we were walking home, she asked me if Terezia was good in bed. When I asked her why, she said she wanted to know if Jeff was going to enjoy himself or not, (in comparison to sex with her).

We must really be fucking up so many minds. All day long at the bar, Terezia and I were telling everybody that we were a new item, then they saw me and Lisa leave together, and then Terezia slept in Jeff's room. Oh well, that's life. Only Terezia, Jeff and I really have any clue as to what's going on. And even then, sometimes, I wonder how much goes on that I don't even find out about.

The next day,I went back to Jeff's house to drop Lisa off. He acted real casual with me, but I wonder if he minded. I know he's been the one setting it all up, and he seems to be happy single (or with Terezia, whatever you want to call it), but I wonder if he minded. I'm the first guy that Lisa's been with in over two years aside from Jeff, it has to bother him a little.

We were all supposed to go to the beach today, but they all said they weren't in the mood. As Layna put it, 'Jeff's not going anywhere, and Lisa says that she feels like she was hit by a mack truck'. The first is usual, the second I take as a compliment. I guess I'll call the office tomorrow and see if everything's okay.

As far as other things go, Vic's ex just came out here. She's carrying Vic's child in her, and apparently, she's a psychopath.

Vic and Layna both don't even know that she's here yet. Like usual, the people who should know, don't. Those who have no business knowing anything, know everything. Now Jeff and Terezia are planning to get this girl and Lisa to get an apartment together.

Or, if Vic ends up back with this girl, then Layna and Lisa can get a place together. Lisa knows nothing about this. They want to make it appear like it was Lisa's idea, don't ask me why. The fact that Lisa might not want to move in with this girl means nothing. The fact that Lisa and Max have already decided to maybe move in together has nothing to do with anything. This is too much.


I just spoke to Lisa on the phone. She seemed very hesitant to talk to me. Almost embarrassed. She said that she thought that she might have lost our friendship. I told her she was crazy, and she is, but I can't figure out why she would think that. Jeff told her that he wants her back, and she doesn't know what to do. She must really be fucked up right now. He said that him and terezia weren't compatible sexually. Her being too small or something.

It makes me really wonder about these people if the only reason to make or break a relationship is out of sexual preference. If Lisa felt the way Jeff did, she'd be with me over him (which might explain his jealousy. If he feels that she thinks about the 'values' of relationships the way he does, then of course he'd fear me, or be jealous of me, or something). I asked her if Jeff was mad that we slept together. She said no, but that he was jealous. I don't know if that's just because we did the nasty, or the fact that she really enjoyed being with me.

I don't know what's going on in Terezia's mind right now. I don't know what Jeff is telling her. I don't know exactly what Jeff is telling Lisa either. Terezia feels that she knows and controls everything that's going on, but she might know a lot less than she thinks she does, and control even less.

She even feels that she has me wrapped around her finger, but the truth is that I kind of feel the way Jeff does right now. Terezia's great, but why have a child when there's real women out there? Terezia called me after I got off the phone with Lisa. She wants to come over after work today. Which is fine, but I think that I'm supposed to be going out for some fiene (Morphine, more-fiene or coffee as we put it), with Lisa after work to talk.

Isn't all this confusion fun?


Went for the fiene. Lisa was a little bummed out on life. It appears that Jeff wants her back. She's a little confused. She doesn't really know which way is up anymore. I think that Jeff is through with Terezia. I found out that the reason that he said he was jealous of me and Lisa isn't because we slept together, but because we were able to hold a decent conversation afterwards.

Apparently he tried with Terezia, but failed so he just went back to fucking her, but she's so small, that he couldn't get all the way in. Him and Lisa slept together on Saturday.

Terezia (I went to her house after I left Jeff's) thinks that everything is going good with her and Jeff, and she sat there telling me that no one knows what's really going on, they all have no clue. Meanwhile, Jeff wants Lisa back (apparently), doesn't want Terezia anymore, and she thinks that I want her. None of which is true. She wanted me to sleep over, but I couldn't take listening to her think she knows it all, so I split. Actually, I asked her if she was in the mood to fuck. She said no, so I split.

Lisa keeps telling me not to fall in love with her. I'm not, but the more she tells me not to, the more I think that she's starting to feel for me. And I can't say that I haven't thought about sleeping with her again, that would be a lie. I enjoy her company, and I enjoy the sex, but it would be cool to see Jeff and Lisa back together again. Jeff's a little fucked, but they seem to go good together. Better then Jeff and Terezia. But I could really go for another Friday night here with Lisa (and a Saturday morning). But if they do get back, you know by now that I would never touch, or even think about touching her again. Well, maybe think, but that's about it. I'm starting to feel like the office slut or something. It's fun. I just hope that no one gets hurt.

I don't know what else to say anymore. It should be over soon.It has to be, one way or the other. What else can happen? Either Jeff and Lisa will get back together or they won't. If they do, great. It serves Terezia right. No more sex for me for a while, but Lisa's happiness is more important then my urges. One thing I know, is that Lisa never told Jeff how well things worked for us on Friday. I guess she felt bad that things fucked up for him and Terezia, and didn't want to make it worse. She told me that she really wants to sleep with me again, but I guess we'll wait to see what happens with Jeff. Oh well.


I had my cracking point yesterday. I couldn't take it anymore (and fuck do I have a hangover to prove it!). Terezia called me yesterday from the office to say hi. We talked a bit. She told me that she wanted to come over after work. I said fine (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional). We got off the phone and I went back to the work I was doing.

I called to see how Lisa was doing about an hour later and Jeff answered. We shot the shit for a while, talking about work. He told me that Lisa was in the bathroom, and that I should call her back soon. No problem. I called her about twenty minutes later. She was in an okay mood, but lately, since Friday, every time we talk, she acts really weird for the first few minutes of the conversation. I tell ask her about it, and once I do, her maskgoes down and she feels comfortable with me again.

So we joked around for a while, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and the 'other' side of me came out again and said that I wanted her. She told me then for sure her relationship with Jeff would be over (not that there was one going on, but the possibility of it returning would be lost). I knew it was wrong to say, but lately I find it hard to stop myself from saying thing I shouldn't. I I think I think too much think about Lisa a bit more than I should, and it's wrong.

Anyways (I haven't said it for a while), I told her to call me later, and we got off the phone. Later was about twenty minutes. I don't remember what we were talking about, but it was funny so she was laughing. Jeff walked by and asked her who she was talking to and she said me. He got pissed off and walked away. She told me (she's actually the seventh girl to say this to me, but that's another w/u), that it would probably be better if she didn't speak to me for a while. I said the only thing I could say, 'call me when you can'.

At that point in time, I couldn't take it anymore. Here was this guy see, and he comes up to me and says 'take my wife... Please!' And I say no. Then this guy's lover says 'take Jeff's wife... Please!' And I say no (and do her instead). The wife says 'take me... Please!!! I say no. Not that I wouldn't mind or anything, but it's just something I wouldn't do. Call it fear in God,(the real one not Jeff), call it morals, call it whatever the fuck you want. They break up, she calls me and tells me that now I have no choice, one way or the other she is having me for diner.

Right? You're with me so far? Well you'd have to be to continue reading this long. So.....I do her. Fine (Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional) and dandy. We enjoyed ourselves very much, thank you. But now Jeff's jealous. Five times he told me to do her, I do her, and now he has the balls to be jealous? Come on Jeff, that's not very Godlike of you. So whatever.

But I thought about it, as I got drunk, put holes into my walls with my pellet gun, and tripped out on this wonderous thing called life. The more I thought, the more I wondered whether it was Jeff or Lisa who didn't want to continue the conversations. I'm not saying that Lisa didn't want us to be friends or speak anymore, just the opposite. She needed to take a break from me because I was getting inside her head and it was confusing her.

She woke me up this morning. I asked her why she was calling me if she said she wasn't going to. And she said that she couldn't help it. I was inside her head, and she had to call. It looks like Jeff and her will get back together. Which is cool. It really, really is. But for some reason, Jeff is fucking with her head even more by telling her that I'm a lot more her type, and that she'd be better off with me. If you thought he was strange before....

I met them together, I expected to always know them that way. I enjoyed my time alone with Lisa, but I think it's probably better this way. With a little luck, this company will work, and I'll be travelling all over the place.

But it would be cool to be her with me. I've thought about it, and aside from the company (I mean companion, not business), and the fact that I do like her, she'd probably be able to help me out all sorts in the business area of things. I'd even be able to pay her as an assistant too, so she'd have a good paying job to boot. I'd be happy, and be making more money because she'd be able to save me a lot of time, and she's smart, so she'd come up with great ideas too, and we'd be able to open up offices a lot quicker too.

But look, they will get back together. Jeff was supposed to tell Terezia yesterday, but he didn't. I feel a bit sorry for her, but hey, she called it on herself. Me on the other hand, maybe I didn't exactly call it on myself, but I did ask for it when i went to work there. I knew what these companies are like, I should have known better. But I do like the friends that I've met. And I am happy that I met them. I wouldn't change what happened if i could.

My life, I guess, will continue where it left off before I met these people. I think. Or maybe Jeff and Lisa will break up for good, who knows. Lisa's supposed to call me later and tell me whether or not I should come over tomorrow for Ren and Stimpy. It's not exactly the birthday me and my little guy (yes, my dick again) wanted, but it would be very cool if we could all just sit in the same room and be friends again. But dreams are for dreamers.


Well, it's June 17. The day that I resign from being the Scapegoat for the World. Jeff and Lisa both, at different times offered to take the job, but since Jeff and Lisa are back together, I'm going to lay it on Jeff, Lisa has enough to deal with. I don't really understand their decision, but in some ways, since Andrea and I did the same thing, I can understand it from Lisa's point of view, but Jeff's still confuses me.

They're staying together until September. That sounds as stupid as Len telling Loo that two weeks from Friday, He's going to take a break from the relationship. How can you have something as important as a relationship, when you know that it's going to end on a set date? I guess, as Lisa says, I really am old fashion.

So where does that leave me? Begging dates from senior citizens? Girls today aren't into old fashion views on relationships. Everything's a game to them, nothing serious. Like I said, I understand Lisa's side of it. She hopes that September never comes. But then again, she tells me that she doesn't really like Jeff, it's more a matter of convenience. Is that just her way of trying to have a hold on me? Because she doesn't have to, she already has quite a tight grip.

I'm supposed to do the Ren and Stipmy thing tonight, I told her I'd be there. But I don't know. A few days ago I would have wanted nothing more than for everybody to be happy. Now it seems like everybody isn't, but they're pretending that they are. Except for Terezia, who still doesn't even know that Jeff and Lisa are back together. But even she senses something.

I'm a little pissed at Lisa for saying that I should go for Terezia, we'd make such a good couple. Fuck you! Friday night we're making fun of Terezia, now that she's back with Jeff, she's telling me that I should go for her. Why? Just so she won't have to worry in case Jeff decides that he's wrong? Sorry.

I'm just a little bitter today. I knew there wasn't much of a chance, but the two things I wanted most for my birthday, I didn't get. Just like my birthday last year (which I'm really not getting into here). But that's just life with these people. I don't think there's anything else to say. This story finally seems to be coming to an end. Jeff and Lisa are back, there's no chance in Hell of me ever wanting to be with Terezia, even though I know that she'll want to when Jeff tells her that it's over. But.....We'll see.


Well, here's the newest news from the front. We did the Ren and Stipmy thing. Everything seemed fine (not fucked-up, insecure, neurotic and emotional, but actually okay). Jeff liked the new toy I gave Lisa (the whip), and the two of them seemed to be getting along good. He seemed to be a little more arrogant and demanding, but that's Jeff.

A friend of their's from Toronto was over, and as he was leaving, Jeff asked him for a lift to Cathy and Sted's. I stayed for a little longer, playing crib. Terezia called me there, and we talked a bit. She wanted to know if Jeff was there and I told her that he had left to go to Sted's. She said cool, because he was supposed to be going over to her house. Cathy and Terezia live only 4 streets away from each other. And it seems like the whole time that I thought that she didn't know what was going on, she knew more then the rest of us (or at least me). Vic showed up, and we played a bit more and split.

I just called Lisa about twenty minutes ago. I was surprised that she hadn't called me. Guess what? Jeff didn't go home last night. He called her in the morning. He said 'hey, babe'. And she hung up on him. They haven't spoken since. I didn't tell her that she was right in her assumptions as to where Jeff was, but she's not that blond. I think things are over with her and Jeff.

She said that she might go back home, and I told her to forget it, I won't let her. I think I'm confusing her, but I don't know what to tell her aside from the truth. The truth on how I feel, not other people's truths. She asked me if I was a part of this whole conspiracy, and I told her no. But I know so much of what's going on that she doesn't, she'd probably never forgive me if she found out all that I know, and the fact that I know it.

I hate not telling her, but it's not my place to. I told her that I just sit back and let other people (Jeff), dig their own graves. I won't even hand them a shovel. If Jeff wants Terezia, I wish him the best of luck, and I thank him profusely. But, then again, Lisa has the job opportunity of her life if she just sticks it out there for one and a half years. But Jeff and Terezia, me and Lisa would be hell on them at the office. But if my company works out, she can have a full-time position with me.

Tonight will tell all. Lisa said that she was going home to see if Jeff would talk to her, and tell her what the hell's going on. And if not she would just mope. I told her not to mope for too long, and I don't think she will. I have a feeling that she'll be here by 9:00 tonight. Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe Jeff will sweet talk his way out of this one, who knows. But I don't think so.


I just spoke with Terezia. Apparently, Jeff did go to tell her it's all over with the two of them. But after fighting for a few hours, they decided that sex was better. So they fucked all night again. I still don't know where that leaves anything, but if Lisa stays with him, she's a moron.

She said that if he didn't go home to talk by 8:00, she'd come here, but I know that Jeff's not home yet, and it's seven thirty, and I don't think that she'll come even if he doesn't show up. Unfortunately, he's not with Terezia, but I think that he's out with Chelsea, who I know that he also wants to fuck.

I hope Lisa smartens up. Not because of the fact that I want her with me, but for the simple reason that Jeff doesn't really want her, he's just trying to be nice, and I think that sucks.

Terezia says that she doesn't like Lisa. Or not so much Lisa, but what she represents (obstacles to Terezia's happiness). Personally, I feel like Smack My Bitch Upsmacking Terezia in the head, she's such a cunt. but again, it's not my place. But if you could just hear the things she says, and know the way she feels about things, you'd want to smack her too.

I hope Lisa comes over. I know if she does, she won't be in the best of moods, but that's cool. I'd just like to be able to comfort her. I hope she at least calls, even if she isn't coming over.


Well, Lisa came over. Operative word being came, like always. I ended up telling her a few of the things that I shouldn't have, which kind of helped her make up her mind to come over. She told Jeff she was going to a motel, but in the morning Max and I drove her home, (Jeff wasn't supposed to be there, but he was), and fuck did Jeff have a look to kill!

They were supposed to meet us a Wreck, but they never showed up. Layna and Margie (Vic's other) were there so Max and I spent the day with them. I haven't spoken to Lisa since, they're at the beach now, I'm supposed to be there in a little while. I don't know if she told Jeff the truth about where she was or not, I hate going into things not knowing. I feel unprepared for a test in school or something.

I don't like this. The first time I slept with Lisa, Jeff knew. Not only did he know, but he encouraged it. Now it's behind his back, and that's not me. I won't tell him the truth because I happen to respect Lisa's friendship more than his. For all I know, right now he could be waiting on the beach to kill me, it wouldn't come as a surprise or anything. In fact, it would probably make me feel like everything was normal.

When Margie called this morning, she asked me to leave with her and go to Toronto or Montreal or somewhere. I don't even know this girl, I met her yesterday. Why can't any of these people make sense??


Well, Jeff knows. The beach was very hectic. Lisa and Jeff kept leaving to go talk. I really bad tripped her by showing up. I didn't mean to. We barely spoke. At one point in time, I knocked over Jeff's beer, and he said to me 'if you keep fucking up on God, he's going to have to fire me from my job as Messiah. I knew what he meant, but no one else did.

The day went by extremely slow. Me, Max, and Margie left before they did. You could tell that they seemed to be happy together again. It bothered me more then I thought it would. Much more. It bothered me to the point of doing what I did yesterday (but, like usual, I'm jumping the gun).

I knew that she wouldn't call me, so at around 10:30, I called Lisa at work but Deb answered. I told her I wanted to speak to Terezia. I couldn't ask for Lisa, I didn't know if I should or not. I asked Terezia to call me as soon as Lisa was back at reception. Terezia called me about twenty minutes later to tell me I could call. As soon as she answered, I apologised for making her feel uncomfortable at the beach the day before. She said it was cool, it was just a little stressing. I said that it seemed like her and Jeff were going good, and she said yeah, and that (like usual), she couldn't really call me too much anymore, it made jeff jealous (and we CAN"T have that happen, can we? We can't upset God!). I told her it was cool, like usual.

But it wasn't cool. For one thing, I didn't believe that Jeff was sincere in the least, just jealous. I believe that he still wants Terezia and his freedom. I think the only thing is that he's conned her again, and she fell for it. I know that I'm going to regret this, (I already do), but I went over to Terezia's house yesterday and we had a long talk. I told her that I have feelings for Lisa, and was she going to still try to get Jeff.

She was thinking about giving up and just moving away, but when she found out that I wanted Lisa, she changed her mind. I shouldn't make it sound like Terezia is alone in her plan to get Jeff back, I don't (usually) lie. I'm in it with her. She's going into work today to try and get him. I feel guilty as Hell, but when I think about it, I don't know how I should feel. Lisa's happy back with Jeff, but Jeff fucks around with everybody's heads so much that I really don't have any clue anymore what the Hell he wants. And the rest of us are just supposed to sit back and wait for him to do whatever the hell he wants. That's not fair.

Terezia told me that everyone in the office says the same thing. When they're with Lisa, she's crabby. But as soon as I show up, her mood changes. Almost like either she doesn't want me to see her bad side, or I really do just make her happy. And if I do make her so happy, and Jeff's just fucking with her head right now, then for her sake, my sake, and Terezia's sake, we should get to the bottom of it all. If he goes for Terezia today, or even implies that he wants to go for Terezia, I know that everything he said to Lisa was a lie. I'm not saying that Lisa lied to me on the phone, just that Lisa lately, (or maybe always, I don't know), doesn't seem to know anything that's going on. She's always the last to know, and that's only because someone ends up feeling sorry enough to tell her the truth.

I feel like Oscar Goldman, sending in the Bionic Tramp to do the mission that has to be done. And if she fails, then I know Jeff is doing his best to be sincere, and then Terezia will lay off.

Those were my orders to her. She says that if she can't get Jeff, she'll just pack up and leave. Maybe I'll try to stop her, I don't know yet. I'll wait and see if she succeeds or fails in her mission. I've never done anything this devious to get a girl before. I know it goes on all the time, but it's so 'not me'. It bothers me a lot, but the more I think about it, even for Lisa's sake, we should find out where Jeff stands.

Never once has he told Terezia that he has feelings for Lisa. He keeps saying how he's just going to stay with her because of her convenience. I understand that guys will say anything to get a girl in bed, but with Terezia, he knows he doesn't have to. So why would he bother telling her that if he doesn't have to? Lisa's told me also, that for her, it's more for convenience sake than anything else. I know she has feelings for him, but more for the security he can offer her. I can't give her the type of security she wants now, but I can give her so much more. She's told me that in the two years they've gone out, they've only made love twice. Fucked all sorts, but they haven't made love in almost two years.

They don't make love, Jeff keeps saying that he doesn't really want her, he told Terezia last week that she should go with me ONLY if my business works, Lisa's told me that with Jeff it's more a matter of convenience, the only reason that Jeff seems to be jealous of me is that Terezia and Lisa told him that I'm a lot better in bed then he is....

What is it with these people??? Haven't they ever heard of love??? Is everything just money and sex with them? It's so sad. Lisa told me that she's changed a lot since she's been with Jeff, and that's too bad. If she ever does find her way to me, I'm going to set her straight. She says she doesn't even know what romance is. I can show her. She showed me how to use my dick to get what I want, now it's time that I show her some things about her heart, and how it can give her all that she needs.

I may have made the biggest mistake in this whole game by sending in my Bionic Tramp, but when I thought about it, what have I got to lose? If Terezia fails, then it just shows mew that Lisa will be okay because Jeff is serious about trying again, and I can stop worrying about her. If Terezia succeeded, then it goes to show that Jeff wasn't serious anyways, and maybe I will end up happy with Lisa. But either way, Jeff has been playing with us for too long, especially Lisa, and it's time that God's throne got overthrown. One way or another it will be over soon.


Terezia never bothered to try. She decided to quit. She told Todd yesterday. He freaked, and made Jeff go and try to talk her out of it. Lisa called me at work on her lunch hour. I asked her if there was some way that we could go have a coffee. That's when she told me that Jeff was going out to do Terezia. She said that she'd have the time, and the way (of seeing me without Jeff finding out).

I met her at the 2nd cup on Denman. Things were a little bit tense for a little while but we talked. Then we went to the beach and talked some more. She's not happy with Jeff, but she can't leave him until she has some cash, so she's keeping her cool (like when he goes out to try and talk Terezia into staying with the company, but he takes along a bottle of vodka with him).

I want to be with her, and I told her so. I'm still inside her head, (as she put it, 'every time her and Jeff fuck, I'm there with them). Jeff wants my ass right now, and if he knew that she saw me yesterday, he'd kill her (finally things seem normal!). He's pissed at himself for being the one to start this whole thing in the first place, but since he feels that he's God, he'd never take it out on himself, so even though I turned down the job of Scapegoat, I'm still his in his eyes.

Lisa'd move in with me if I had a place. She says that she wants to live alone, but also told me that if I was rich, she'd come. She doesn't just want me for the money, but she's lived her whole life loving only two things: money and sex. Her and Jeff both, and it seems that it's the only things that their lives revolve around.

I told Lisa that that would change. So would her attitude on a lot of things if she were with me. The reason I went to see her was because I needed some answers. Bernie is relying on me to do some major things in the company right now, and lately I can't seem to concentrate enough on business (right now I should be working). I needed to lay things to rest, not to give up on Lisa, but to know where things stand so that I can still my mind. I didn't get all the answers I wanted, but I'm content with the way thi

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