trafficwalker

There is a new kind of person roaming the streets of the cities of the United States. A kind of person that fears nothing but the stupidity of the common driver. A person that feels no need to wait for lowly cars and other such transportative machines in order to move along.

These are the few, the proud, the brave, the quick-moving trafficwalkers. They move swiftly through and across the streets, their destination their only concern, their only focus on getting there, wherever that may be.

Trafficwalkers can be identified by any of a unique set of traits that set them apart from the general pedestrian populous.

• Intense concentration at the site of a red light or DONT WALK sign.
• Not stopping while walking across the street. In this case, not stopping means not stopping. Instead, a complicated method of manuevers and sidesteps take place.
• In the winter, a good set of gripping boots, and no eye-covering clothing.
• Walking or running shoes that have rounded sides and bare, flat bottoms.
• "Close calls." These incidents are really cases when a driver has no trust for the intelligence of the trafficwalker.
• City buses know these people and slow or stop for them.
• Traffic flow is never interrupted by a trafficwalker.
• Perfect timing in street crossing and corner cutting.
• Trafficwalkers have a tendency to walk down the center of the street instead of waiting to cross in a part of the street that isn't near a light or crosswalk.
• Trafficwalkers have all been hit by taxis and lived because of the body movement at the instance of the hit.

Trafficwalkers are a gentle and impatient group of people. It is suggested when walking with a trafficwalker (especially when late or behind schedule) to keep ass close, as trafficwalkers cannot hold themselves back from their natural tendency to walk in traffic, and may not be able to adjust timing for another person that is lagging behind. In other words, follow close enough to grab their ass or you have a much higher chance of being hit by a car or something.

Be nice to these folks. They are molding and shaping your future as a pedestrian.