When you get to be a certain age and stage, you don't want an 8:30 am phone call from your life insurance company.
Or rather I should say I don't want to be awakened from my moderate sleep problems by an overly cheerful yet way too aggressive life insurance rep who wants to drop by because she'll be in the area and it suits her schedule.
For-crying-out-loud, it's still winter and I am, at that time of the morning, relishing my turtleness, breathing in the delicious muddy sludge of coffee and can only tolerate innocuous statements like from my son who watches me add a slight amount of milk, him saying something about creating chaotic fluid dynamics and I barely explain in my turtle-language, "It's a stirring day."
Depends on my mood, whether I put milk in first or last, how much energy my turtle hands can deal with. Putting milk in first requires no spoon, but then you miss the delicate swirls.
The last thing I want to hear is a reminder of when I die, my children will get money. The second to last thing I want to hear is my husband telling me the gigantic fish tank he built decades ago and in his first marriage is leaking into the red room where I write.
So I check weather.com and get sidetracked by a recipe article, Make Fish Tacos for the Fam. I read it, the sub-title is "a healthy family is a happy family" leading into "Fish tacos are a fun way to get your children to try a mild fillet."
There are only 5 steps and it serves 4. When I see 2 cups of red cabbage finely shredded and the juice of 2 limes, in my mother turtle heart-of-hearts, I'm more awake than any coffee or exploding fish tank could cause. I want to yell non-poetically to the world, DON'T BE FOOLED by the pretty picture of Fish Tacos!! Your children will not be tricked.
The answer is frozen fish sticks and ketchup because one day the little fish-haters will become teenagers who lift weights and they will convince you that their friends eat plates of tilapia and salmon after they work out. Fresh fish is expensive.
Next thing you know, in college they will discover Japan's greatest secret weapon, and you'll find yourself cursing the darkness because in your healthy, happy family, your now almost-fully-grown-children and all of their huge friends will eat you out of house and home.
You'll have to learn how to make homemade sushi just to put gas in the cars.
You'll develop moderate sleep problems and begin your days thinking like a turtle.