Ladies and
gentlemen of the
Everything2 jury, I am just a
caveman. I was frozen in a block of ice and
thawed out by some of your
modern scientists. Your
world frightens and
confuses me!
When I am
driving my
Porsche down the
freeway, I wonder if the sound of the horn comes from angry
demons living inside the
car. When I
eat caviar, I wonder if the
fish eggs will
hatch inside my
stomach and eat my insides. My
primitive caveman
mind cannot
grasp these
concepts.
But there is one thing I do know! Unfrozen caveman lawyer is a
classic Saturday Night Live skit starring the late, great
Phil Hartman. It is about a caveman named
Cirroc who is frozen in ice, thawed out, and goes to
law school. In the
courtroom, he talks about how he is a primitive caveman who cannot
comprehend modern life, describing how all his
expensive luxury items confuse him. Using this
argument, he wins all of his
cases and overwhelmingly draws the
emotions of the jury.
Thank you.