WARNING: this recipe does make for some really strange-looking chicken. If you are really sensitive to the appearance of your food, I'd advise against this particular dish. If the taste is all that matters to you, give it a try.

There are two variations to this dish. They both start the same way, with the WEIRD PURPLE MARINADE.

Mix the WEIRD PURPLE MARINADE ingredients together in a medium bowl. Let them sit for a couple of minutes while you take three large boneless chicken breasts and chop them up into bite-sized bits (method 1) or thin strips (method 2). Put the chicken into a gallon-sized ziploc baggie. You may need to put the baggie (open end up, of course) into a bowl or something to keep it from tipping over. Now pour your WEIRD PURPLE MARINADE over the chicken and seal the baggie, carefully squeezing as much air as you can out. Gently knead the chicken a bit, until everything is mixed together and the chicken is uniformly coated and has begun to be WEIRD PURPLE CHICKEN. Put it in the fridge for a half hour or so to soak up the WEIRD PURPLE GOODNESS. You shouldn't need to marinate it much longer than this, since you've chopped up your chicken bits.

You did that, right?

Don't forget, or you'll have to get the chicken back out of the bag, and then you'll have a WEIRD PURPLE KITCHEN.

Okay, now this is when you need to really start doing different things to the chicken. Method 1 is a fried chicken recipe. Method 2 is a shish-kebab recipe. We'll start with method 1.

For this method you'll need to make a fried chicken batter recipe. You can get creative with this, if you want. I usually use homemade bread crumbs for this, which entails drying bread out in the oven at low heat and then smashing it up. If you're in a hurry, flour works just fine. I try to stay away from canned bread crumbs, just because they're ridiculously expensive, considering how easy they are to make on your own. You may also want to add other spices. I usually use black pepper, cayenne, paprika, and Lawry's Seasoned Salt, but sometimes I throw in some other weird stuff. Experiment, and see what works for you.

Got your dry stuff together? Okay, heat up a large skillet with a nice thick layer of olive oil in the bottom. Pull your WEIRD PURPLE CHICKEN BITS out of the baggie a few at a time, letting them drain back into the bag before dredging them in your batter mix, or else the dry stuff will immediately become WEIRD PURPLE GLUE in the bottom of the bowl, and therefore useless. Lightly dredge the pieces and throw them into the hot oil. Brown your WEIRD PURPLE CHICKEN BITS on all sides, then turn the heat down to medium-low and cook until they're done. Serve with a salad of mixed greens topped with vinegar and oil. Alternately, you could try simmering the remaining onions and garlic over low heat for fifteen minutes or so, straining it, and topping the salad with the liquid, although I haven't tried this, so I can't attest to its yumminess. Also, you may not want your whole dinner to taste like the same thing.

This method is much simpler. Pull your WEIRD PURPLE CHICKEN STRIPS out of the baggie and skewer them on shish-kebab sticks. Grill them over low heat, rotating them often. You might want to add bell peppers, onion, or some other weird stuff to the sticks. Whatever sinks your sub, man. Cook them until the outside of the chicken is LIGHTLY charred and the chicken falls apart when you stick a fork in it and twist.

You could serve this version up with the same salad as mentioned in method 1, or if you're surrounded by MANLY MEN, potato chips could work, too.

have fun!

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