When all you want is help, and all you receive is pain

I make no pretenses of understanding human behavior. Anyone that says they understand all or most reasons why people do what they do is someone that unnerves me. People are the most unpredictable sons of bitches that I know, and the things they do continue to confound me. In the face of emotion while equipped with empathy, some people will nonetheless do things that cause more hurt than imaginable.

I understand that one of the reasons someone lies to you upon the end of a relationship can be to distance themselves from you, to attempt to foster the idea that you never really knew them. Apparently, the believed benefit of this is that the person will say to themselves, "Good Lord, I never even knew this person. What have I lost? I haven't lost the person I knew; that person never existed."

In reality, where most of us live, the hurt individual will say, "This person has lied to me in the past. If they didn't, then they are lying now. Perhaps they weren't lying then or now and I simply misunderstood, regardless; they are trying to do and say things that will make me feel like I never knew them. Perhaps I never did know them. Did I lose that person, then, the one I knew and loved? Yes, for they are irrevocably gone, a fleeting fancy I'll never know again. I also live with the burden of having been used for the creation and destruction of that person. I also live with the knowledge that what I thought was true never was."

The hurt individual does not need to hear these things.

I contend that although lies can be believed to be used for the purpose of eroding or removing the image of the hurter in the mind's eye of the hurt, they are in fact used to distance the hurter from who they are and those whom they have hurt.

"I no longer want this person in my life. I will no longer be the person I was to them, or the person I was with them."

"All I want is your help in my pain, and all that you give me is more pain."

Then you are alive. If i may quote Westley from The Princess Bride:

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says different is selling something."

Life stinks, love hurts, everything is shit. Welcome to the world, pass the beer nuts.

You have two choices in this life.

1. Conform to the hideous victim culture that pervades our society and spend your life whining.
2. Grow the fuck up and enjoy the good parts.

I'll leave you to guess the preferred option. Yeah, shit happens. The best thing to do is let it go because it's a normal part of life. And until you can see that, you can't enjoy yourself and revel in the sheer black humour of it all.

Get over it and move on.

Well, I always found that a lot of times people who you think love and care for you, simply can't handle it when you are not all happy and chipper, and they leave and lash out etc. and cause you more pain at the end.

This guy, the ex love of my life, dated me for 9 months. At some point in our relationship, I moved out of my house, my grandmother died, and a bunch of other bad stuff happened.

I got really depressed, and codependent and wasn't much for sex or anything anymore, but it was all because I was under so much pressure, all I wanted was for him to be there, and tell me he loved me no matter what.
But instead he started to treat me like shit, and guilt trip me and avoid me. And caused me more pain when I would ever have imagined I was capable of feeling. I also got really ill, and was in the hospital, and he didn't even bother to call me in that week, which was then I decided he wasn't right for me

Thank god I had great friends to depend on, and as soon as I got better, I dumped the bastard. The night I broke up with him, he told me he still loved me and wanted to "work things out". Of cause he did, cause I was becoming my happy, cheery self again, but I have also regained my self confidence, so I said: "

"Hell NO!"

The lesson I learned form this is that if you want and ask for help, all you get is pain, you have to have people offer to be there for you, cause that means they truly love you. If you have to ask for it, you will get pain cause if those close to you don't see that you need help, they don't love you in the right way, and won't give you what you need.