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if nothing else, finding out that your death is going to be brain cancer seems like such a letdown. the ultimate mystery is taken away. no more suspense about how your story ends. born, 1970 or whenever, graduated high school, graduated college, ????, graduated med school, completed residency, got married, had a kid, and 48 years after you began, that was it. i wonder if it is very torturous to think about what you would have done differently, had you known all along. i mean, it would have to be, wouldn't it? it's strange to think, when i thought i was in the same position, that cancer scare i had last year, how i had no regrets. i guess it's because my plan to purposefully make sure i have nothing to lose worked. whenever i accomplish death, i will leave absolutely nothing behind that i cherish. friends, sure, but nowhere near as if i had a real family, a partner, a child. "holding lightly to the earth," i called it. ready to go anytime, in fact, always with one foot out the door -- or more correctly, often straining at the frame.

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